


Lítost

by CasiplesCastle



Series: Avatar and the Four Nations AUs [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blue Spirit Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Protective Zuko (Avatar), Ursa (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, and damn it no one will stop him, azula is getting a life-changing field trip, but that's not new, but too bad her brother couldn't take it with her, zuko is taking himself on a life-changing field trip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24570391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasiplesCastle/pseuds/CasiplesCastle
Summary: The Mother of Faces took one look at Zuko’s scarred face, and offered him a gift. AU.
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & The Gaang (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Ozai & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Zuko
Series: Avatar and the Four Nations AUs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775920
Comments: 188
Kudos: 1161
Collections: Best of Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Witch's Woods





	1. EPILOGUE

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Towards the Sun](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19252807) by [MuffinLance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinLance/pseuds/MuffinLance). 



> “Litost” is a nearly untranslatable Czech word which means a state of feeling miserable and humiliated. Litost is a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery. Litost connects insult to revenge, with desire to strike back at the perceived source of one’s shame.

**EPILOGUE**

Zuko approached the ancient spirit.

Slowly, she turned to him, her wood-carved body churning and her half-covered faces honed on him. Zuko stood before her and bowed deeply, but his golden eyes remained fixed on her sightless faces, helpless and empty. Not for the first time, he wondered why he was led here in the first place. The Mother of Faces was a powerful being, one of the primordial spirits. Zuko had no business messing with spirits. That was the Avatar’s job. Zuko was merely a banished prince, a traitor to his own people, unwelcomed here on the ground he treads.

The Mother of Faces bent forwards slightly, to _look_ at him. She tilted her head, puzzled before her scrutiny landed on his face. When she caught sight of the burned half of his face, her mouth twisted into a snarl. Zuko recoiled at the sight of her anger, but he forced himself to stay still, feeling fatigue wash over him as his healing body was forced to bear the strain of holding his weight. The Mother of Faces would not appreciate any disrespect from a scarred, traitorous prince.

Finally, her snarl subsided, and the sudden appearance of the sad, downturn of her lips looked too close to pity that Zuko bristled. He had no right to be, but he did. After everything, Zuko still didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for him, for what his father did to him. No one had any right to pity him. But he cannot lash out at the spirit. Her anger would be dangerous not only to him but to everyone. So, he swallowed his pride and endured.

The Mother of Faces stretched her hand out to him as if offering. Her main face, the one she used to speak, addressed him.

“My child,” she rasped eerily. “You have been through so much. For your pain and suffering, I offer you a gift. But I must ask; why have you come before me?”

“I don’t know.” Zuko answered honestly, his eyes trailing her benevolent smile. “I was led here by a wolf with a carved face.”

The Mother of Faces hummed. “My wolf rarely acts without my direction, and yet he seemed to have found you. He led you here, to my sacred pools.”

“I don’t know why.” Zuko said again, sounding lost. He shut his eyes to keep control of his racing heart, an icy feeling seeping into his core, his inner flame doused just a little more.

“What is your name?” The Mother of Faces asked.

“My name is Prince Zuko.” Zuko answered, looking away. “Or at least, I _was_.”

“You _were_? Names do not leave us, young prince. You are who you _were_ , as you are who you will _be_.” The Mother of Faces chided gently, her voice soft and velvety. She sounded just a tad bit amused, and if Zuko was paying more attention, she would’ve sounded fond.

But he didn’t know what to make of that statement. So, Zuko said nothing. He didn’t think pretending to accept her wisdom would be appreciated.

“Your face,” The Mother of Faces stretched her enormous arm until it caressed his scarred eye. “What has been done to you, Prince Zuko? You were meant to be one of my beautiful ones.”

Zuko gasped and took a step back in fright. He cursed under his breath. He came before this ancient being who _made_ every face to have ever existed with his own _mutilated_ face.

“Do not fear, young prince.” The Mother of Faces reassured, her tone vibrating deep into the earth. The calm quieted even the insects of the woods. “I see you for who you are. Now, I understand why my wolf guided you. I do not fault you for your appearance. The burden of this blame is placed upon he who dared to harm Agni’s favorite.”

Zuko’s unscarred eye widened. “Agni, Spirit Mother?” Zuko asked, surprised.

“Yes,” The Mother of Faces purred, almost pleased. “You are one of his favorites. As well as mine. I crafted this face when the Sun Spirit asked for a face of a worthy lord. I sculpted the shape of your eyes with great care, the bridge of your nose, the slope of your lips. You were meant to have a face that reflected the ruler Agni wanted you to be.”

“I’m not a ruler.” Zuko denied, shaking his head. “I’m not even a prince anymore.”

“Oh, my child,” the Mother of Faces cooed, vindictive. “You are so much _more_ than that. Not even your cruel father could imagine your power.”

“What does that mean?” Zuko pleaded. “Tell me, please.”

“In time, it will be revealed to you.” The Mother of Faces straightened to her full height. She towered over him and he bowed slightly in reverence. “Come closer, young prince.”

Zuko stepped closer, his face tilted upwards to look at her.

“Suffering has been your teacher,” the Mother of Faces began, and Zuko closed his eyes from the pain the words brought him. “And you have done well in learning what it can teach you. Now, I offer you a new teacher. Will you accept it?”

Zuko gulped. “I don’t understand.” He didn’t understand what this being wanted with him. He didn’t understand what he’s got to do with these spirits. And he was tired. Just tired of not being able to keep up. Just tired of falling behind or falling short. Just tired of being pulled apart by forces he cannot control.

“You have a great destiny, Prince Zuko.” The Mother of Faces said with a fond smile. “One especially crafted by Agni himself. Everything you’ve done, everything you’ve been through, are tools to prepare you for what will come.”

“You mean it’s not over?” Zuko asked desperately. His body trembled, and with rage, he lashed out. “What more do I have to do?! I don’t want a great destiny! I don’t want whatever’s coming! What am I supposed to do?! Why did he choose _me_?!”

“Agni blessed you, young prince.” The Mother of Faces obliged to answer. She glowed with the power of the setting sun behind her. If Zuko had looked down on himself, he would’ve seen the same light embrace him. “For your honor and heart, you are chosen, Prince Zuko. You are meant to help restore balance to the world. You will be a beacon of strength and justice to your people. You are _born_ to be the Fire Lord.”

“That’s not me.” Zuko refused, shaking his head and taking another step back from the spirit, the weight of the world settling on his shoulders. “It can’t be me. I’ve failed so much this won’t be any different. I don’t want it. Please, choose someone else. _Anyone_ else.”

Zuko’s eyes stung with tears, but he forced himself to stand his ground. He didn’t want to be a pawn in the spirit’s game. He was _done_ being a soldier. He only wanted to have peace, to be left alone and disappear. Away from here, away from everything that had ever made a mark on him. He wanted to run and let someone else carry his burdens.

Zuko wanted more than to survive. He wanted to _live_.

The Mother of Faces shook her enormous head of faces. “Even _I_ cannot go against Agni’s choice. Nor do I want to. You, Prince Zuko, are one of our champions. We _have_ chosen, and it is _you_.”

“I can’t do this.” Zuko admitted, unshed tears rolling down his face. “It’s too heavy.”

“You will not be alone, young prince.” The Mother of Faces appeased. “You are one of many who carry the burden of restoring peace among the nations. But you are correct. It is a tall destiny. It is why I offer my gift to ease your journey.”

Zuko’s heart leapt to his throat. His breath hitched and, desperately, he asked, “How?”

The Mother of Faces smiled and opened her palm. Zuko’s face, the unscarred face he carried a lifetime ago, appeared wispily in her hand.

“I can set you free of your father’s curse.” The Mother of Faces offered.

Zuko’s breath left him. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. His eyes only trailed along the untarnished skin of his youth, those days when all he’d ever worried about was how to be a good prince to his people. The face of a boy who wanted his father to be proud of him. Zuko felt his hand reach out and almost touched the wisp likeness of someone he only barely recognized. It feels like it’s been lifetimes but it’s only been three years. He tried to find something— _anything_ —that was familiar with this boy. But everything who this boy was once in him is dead. Zuko was no longer this boy. He died the day his father burned half of his face off.

“He’s not me.” Zuko whispered brokenly, his hand falling away. “Not anymore.”

The Mother of Faces looked dismayed but undeterred. “True, this boy that was cursed by his father to bear a mark of shame and banished to sail across the world is no longer you. You have suffered too much for this boy to live. He never would’ve survived the things you have. Yet, my child, it _is_ you. This is who you have always been. Do not forget this boy, Prince Zuko, and all others like him. Remember him and wear his face.”

Zuko’s golden eyes never left the boy’s image. This boy knew how to be happy, to be content, to not feel angry all the time. This boy doesn’t recognize pain, nor does he know hate or cruelty. This boy was once bright and filled to the brim with kindness. Could he be this boy again? Or would he be someone new? Someone in between who Zuko was now and who he was then? Could he be someone who could not only survive but _thrive_?

Zuko forced himself to look up to the Mother of Faces. “Will it hurt?” he asked. He had enough of pain.

“No, my child, it will not.” The Mother of Faces gently said. “Though your journey will not be painless, this boy will help you ease your burden. Wear him and find yourself through him.”

Zuko closed his eyes. He breathed in. And out. In and out.

“I accept.” He whispered and was blinded by the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole story plot is inspired by MuffinLance’s heart wrenching “Toward the Sun” story and the title came from the song Litost by X Ambassadors. You guys should give those a read and a listen if you haven’t heard of them. Leave a comment and I hope you enjoyed it!


	2. What have I done… with my heart on the floor…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... Three months before the Epilogue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starts off from Book 2, Episode 7: Zuko Alone.

_… three months before the Epilogue…_

Zuko has been traveling alone for a while now.

Driven out of the small, unnamed settlement in the middle of the Earth Kingdom desert, he felt only the insatiable hunger and the bone-deep exhaustion that sank into his being like the icy waters of the poles. He crossed through the barren plain, moving swiftly through the treacherous lands. At night, to survive, he donned his mask and stole whatever he can— _whatever he wanted_ —from whoever he can find.

It was a cycle of shame, guilt, necessity, and anger over and over like a spinning wheel that never tired. It wasn’t much more desperate than the years he spent sailing around the world, hunting for a legend no one has seen in a hundred years. It was much more hopeless than chasing something others believed didn’t exist. But it didn’t stop him. It hasn’t shattered whatever remained of him just yet.

Sometimes, Zuko wanted to stop, to draw a clear line that this is where he wants to get off from a life he never wanted, just because he was born the way he was. Zuko wanted to give in and have it over with, to live a life he could choose. A life where he was safe and at peace. A life where he was free to be who he is. But a dagger weighs heavy on his belt and his words still hung around him like a noose back in that small, unnamed settlement no one even heard of.

… _Son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai, Prince of the Fire Nation and heir to the throne…_

Zuko closed his eyes each time he remembered it. The words were said with absolute confidence, with fiery rage and unshakeable pride. For a moment, he was the prince his father wanted. But a child’s eyes, where there was once adoration, looked at him with nothing but contempt. The welcome he received was withdrawn and sharp eyes with equally sharp pitchforks greeted him like a friend.

Suddenly, he was the son of the man who killed their people. The prince of the nation that threatened to subjugate them. The face of the enemy who tore their families apart. The mere sound of his name had given birth to fear that he would burn them all down like the soldiers he had conquered.

Zuko had packed his weapons and left with the dignity of a prince. Zuko hurled the little food he’d eaten like a coward when he settled down to make camp for the night.

Days and days, he wandered through the Earth Kingdom aimlessly, fighting to survive for whatever reason he’s too hungry to think about. He didn’t want to dwell on it too much. It hurt too much to think, and there were already so much he had to deal with without the added weight of his bleak future.

That was when he caught the falling white fur in his hand.

.

.

.

Zuko was losing to Azula. Of course, he was.

The Avatar and his friends were all here. Along with Uncle. Zuko fought with the ferocity of his own desperation. If Zuko was honest with himself, the Avatar was left largely ignored. His blows aimed towards the young monk were more to keep him away than to really fight him. Zuko only wanted to fight Azula. He wanted to _gain_ the upper hand over his sister who left him in the dust in most aspects of their lives. Just once, Zuko wanted to make Azula feel the desperation he _feels_.

But one way or another, Zuko always lost to his baby sister. This time was no different.

When the dust cleared, Azula was gone. Zuko fell to his knees next to Uncle, his head clenched in his hands and a cry of frustration torn from his throat. It was guttural, sounding almost like a sob. It was all he could do not to let his tears fall.

The wound was deep but the flesh around Uncle’s shoulder had been cauterized enough that it stemmed the flow of blood. It wasn’t life threatening but it was painful. Zuko knew this. Logically, he _knew_ this. He knew burns better than anyone after three years of trying to save to his own eye and ear. As a fire bender, he knew by heart what kind of damage was fatal. But it didn’t stop his heart from racing or his breath quickening enough to spiral into that chasm of panic and bile.

A hand dropped on his shoulder. “Zuko, I can help him.” The water bender said, offering her water with a worried frown.

Zuko turned a seething glare at her. He wanted to lash out with his flames but he didn’t have the energy to do it. He should but he can’t. These people were his enemies, yet they offered him more than he’d ever given them.

The water bender’s eyes were almost pleading, as if she was one second away from helping Uncle anyway. Zuko’s gaze landed on the Avatar behind her. His gray eyes were wide in anticipation, as if waiting. For what, Zuko doesn’t know. He doesn’t care. But the man who loved and followed him in spite of everything was lying on the ground, wounded.

Zuko closed his eyes. No, Zuko doesn’t care about what the Avatar thought at all.

“Help him,” he begged the water bender. “Please.”

She nodded and immediately knelt on the other side of his uncle. Her water glowed in her hands and when it made contact on Uncle’s skin, Iroh sighed in relief even in his unconscious state. When she was done, the flesh of Uncle’s shoulder was healed. Only first-degree burns remained and they will not scar at all.

Zuko sighed in relief, his breath leaving his body in a rush. He buried his head in his hands again and just wanted to fade away, wanted to move and run like a ghost. But he can’t. He cannot leave Uncle with these people. Not again. So, he keeps still and let the numbness take over.

The numbness hasn’t worn off after a few minutes and this becomes evident to the Avatar and his friends. So, when he came back to himself, Zuko found himself somehow trailing after the ragtag group he’d chased around the world, his uncle earth bent into a makeshift bed, already ways away from their battlefield.

Zuko wanted to ask, wanted to scream and rage, but he refrained. He bit his tongue and followed along behind them. He had no right to be angry here, not when he owed them. So, he bottled up his anger and shelved it away because these people _helped_ him. Even when he didn’t deserve it, they still helped him.

They took his hand and hauled him up the sky bison’s saddle. Once they were ready, they lifted off and soared through the clouds with his uncle’s head cradled in his lap. They stopped on the farthest clearing they can find and fell asleep even before they can disembark the bison. It should’ve been impossible, for them to turn their backs on him and rest, to lay their guard down in the presence of an enemy. But they slept peacefully, huddled together and looked more like the children they are.

So, he stayed up the entire night, taking first watch up until the last. He found he didn’t mind. Zuko was more than content to sit there with his uncle, seeing the rise and fall of his chest.

He briefly wondered what he was doing here with these people, or why he was still here and hasn’t attacked them when they were so vulnerable, or how easy it felt to surrender to his enemies for his uncle’s life. But he dismissed the last one immediately.

Of course, he would. He would surrender for his uncle _again_. A thousand times over, _he would_.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice that the Avatar was awake and was looking at him curiously. He scowled at him.

“What?” Zuko hissed under his breath. He didn’t want to disturb Uncle.

The Avatar brought his hands up to placate him. “Nothing! I just… I’m glad you’re here.” He whispered back. The Avatar tilted his head and smiled shyly. “It feels right.”

Zuko scowled harder but said nothing. Nothing about this feels right to Zuko. But he allowed the Avatar to think what he wanted to think. He still didn’t care what he thought, anyway.

Zuko felt the sun begin to rise and he felt the energy slowly filling him. It was a quiet reassuring strength that slowly eased the tension from his body. He closed his eyes, meditating in place. He needed to rest before he dealt with the Avatar’s friends. He only intended to have be a little calmer and settle some of his frayed nerves so that he wouldn’t explode or snap at anyone. But he sank deeper into his meditative trance and didn’t resurface for hours.

When he woke, it was midafternoon. Uncle was there beside him, sipping his tea contentedly, while handing Zuko a little bit of rice, dried meat and fruit. He looked around as he quietly accepted the offered food, zeroing on the Avatar and his friends on the other side of a low fire, either doing chores or sharpening their weapons. When the Avatar noticed he was awake, he smiled at Zuko knowingly, a welcoming nod sent his way. The water bender and her brother followed his gaze and each gave him a calculating gaze, assessing him. They must’ve decided he wasn’t that much of a risk as they got back to what they were doing with only a moment of consideration. Zuko looked down and kept eating. He didn’t think he can take their almost expectant stare, as if they were still waiting for something.

Zuko was getting tired of that look.

It was not until he felt a small hand tug at his sleeve that he remembered that the Avatar had a new member in his group. A small, blind earth bender who apparently crawled toward him and held on to his sleeve for longer than necessary. Zuko seriously hoped they didn’t kidnap her.

“Tell me a truth.” The little earth bender demanded.

Zuko frowned. “Why?”

“Just humor me.” She replied dryly. Zuko’s frown turned into a glower.

“My name is Zuko.” He said blandly.

The little earth bender huffed. “Elaborate, genius.”

Zuko gritted his teeth. “I’m a prince of the Fire Nation. My father is Fire Lord Ozai.” _My mother is Ursa._

The earth bender nodded. “Okay, now, tell me a lie.”

“Is there a point to this?” Because Zuko was a terrible liar.

“Yes, now, _lie_.” The earth bender forced.

“I love tea and I play pai sho willingly.” Zuko grumbled. Uncle sent an indignant look his way.

The small girl clinging to him tilted her head as if trying to hear something beyond what Zuko could hear. After a moment, she smirked. “Well, Sparky, you are officially one of the worst liars I’ve ever met. Congratulations!” The earth bender announced with mirth. Her friends looked at her, bemused, but shrugged it off as something they obviously thought to be normal for her. “My name is Toph. I’m the Twinkle-Toes’ earth bending teacher.”

The little earth bender— _Toph_ —smirked smugly at him. Zuko’s one eyebrow twitched.

“I’m Zuko.” Zuko almost slapped himself. He shifted awkwardly. “But you already knew that.”

The Water Tribe peasant snorted in amusement while Uncle hid his smile behind his small cup.

“That was so awkward it was almost painful.” The Water Tribe peasant observed. But he took pity on Zuko and laid it out for him. “But for the sake of introductions, let’s make the rounds. I’m Sokka from the Southern Water Tribe.”

“Sokka,” the water bender whined, her hands on her hips, frowning at her brother. “He’s hunted us for months. I’m pretty sure he knows our names by now.”

Sokka looked doubtful. He turned to Zuko. “Well, do you?”

Zuko sighed and closed his eyes, praying for patience. “No.”

“There you go, Katara.” Sokka rubbed. Katara fumed, whether at Zuko for not knowing who they were or for Sokka’s smug face, Zuko isn’t sure. “He doesn’t know us. You know how I know? Because he’s never called us by _our_ _names_. It’s always ‘filthy Water Tribe peasant’ here or ‘water bender’ there. Never more than an ‘I must hunt for the Avatar to regain my honor’ most of the time.”

Toph cackled, cradling her stomach. The Avatar looked sheepishly amused.

Sokka turned back to Zuko, who still looked smug. Zuko wanted to throw his fruits at his face. “So, that’s my sister, Katara. And the Avatar’s name is Aang! Just in case you didn’t know that.”

“I know _his_ name!” Zuko finally snapped.

Sokka raised his hands to appease him. “Of course, of course. Didn’t mean to douse your fire or something.”

The peasant moved back to sharpening his weapons and the rest of the group went their separate ways. The Avatar went with Toph and Katara for their training.

Zuko counted to ten before the fire in his breath dissipated completely. If it hadn’t been for Uncle’s mirthful smile and the healthy shade of red stopping himself from laughing, Zuko would’ve thrown his entire bowl of rice on the peasant’s head. But he stopped himself from doing it. One, he was too hungry. Two, it wasn’t actually as bad as he thought it was. The banter should’ve aggravated him more. But it didn’t. Zuko’s anger was momentary and it surprised him. He spent such a long time harboring his rage that it felt odd that it decided to abandon him now. It was still there, back in the far corner of his mind, but it didn’t take up the space in his chest where it made it hard to feel or think. For now, it was gone. Just like that.

Zuko wondered, and shoved food in his mouth while he did. He was _starving_.

Midafternoon, the benders came back looking exhausted but satisfied. Aang had immediately gravitated to Zuko, who shot him contemptuous looks that warned him any closer and he would be immolated on principle. But Aang wasn’t daunted by mere looks and enlisted Sokka’s help to get the grouchy teenager to engage in conversation by talking around him until their combined stupidity pulled a reaction from the prince. Between them, they tag teamed Zuko into a reluctant conversation that sounded like he was pulling his teeth. When Toph joined them, Zuko was done for.

Meanwhile, Uncle and the water bender— _Katara_ —began to prepare their evening meal. Katara was still a little cautious around the old man but they made quick work of the cooking, evenly divided between them. Zuko kept an eye on his Uncle discreetly. Uncle had surprisingly healed well, which Katara was openly glad for. She seemed to have been taken by him, having a responsible adult around must be such a relief to her. Particularly because his Uncle has always had a reassuring presence and the quiet strength that oozed from him made it easy to feel safe around him.

Even with his reputation, the Dragon of the West has shown himself to be a valuable ally. Zuko knew that ever since the North Pole, Uncle had somehow gained a little of their trust. His escapade with Toph was only the latest proof that he’s harmless to them.

Katara seemed to be more wary of Zuko but he had only mutinously glared at anyone (mainly, Aang and Sokka, while Toph laughed at all of them) who approached him while he worked at his end of the camp. There wasn’t much to do, but Zuko kept finding ways to keep himself busy. He brought more wood for the fire, kept the tents secure and nailed at the post, or even feeding the little lemur, Momo, wild berries he had foraged.

Aang had taken to watching him with knowing eyes, as if something within the Avatar had settled when he looked around the camp, bustling with former enemies and loving friends. Zuko tried avoiding him like the plague but to no avail. Aang was there at the corner of his eye, like an elbow leech. Sokka not far behind him. Zuko was honestly at the end of his wits and was about to yell at both of them when Uncle called them all to eat. Sokka immediately went, followed by Aang who had grabbed Zuko and pulled him to the small circle around the fire. They settled down to eat and Zuko slowly crept closer to Uncle during the meal.

Uncle, being the leaf-juice fanatic that he was, made tea for everyone.

The group relaxed, slowly letting the hard work of the day wash over them. Aang was regaling everyone of his current training in earth bending while Toph gave him side comments about where to improve and what to work on. But as the meal winded down, they each got ready for bed.

Uncle and Zuko only watched. They had lost their packs back at the abandoned town, leaving them with nothing but the clothes on their backs and Zuko’s dao blades.

It should’ve angered Zuko that they were once again as destitute as the last time they fled from Azula. But he wasn’t. Instead, he felt longingly at peace. The kind of peace he hasn’t felt in a long time. He got up and picked a tree not far from the camp. When Uncle made a move to follow him, Katara had gently stopped him and Zuko knew she was convincing the old man to take the tent they built. Spryly preparing tea or not, Uncle had been injured only yesterday. He needed to rest even with a healer of Katara’s caliber taking care of him.

Zuko settled down against the hard wood, feeling the cool earth beneath him and staring at the starlit sky above. He should be angry to have nothing. After everything he’d done, after everything he’d sacrificed, he should be angry he had nothing. He did everything he could, gambled everything he had, but he was still banished. He was still unwanted. He was still left with _nothing_.

But one glance back at the camp told him he _did_ have _something_.

The only thing he ever had for all these three long, bitter years.

And Zuko, closing his eyes, thought it was _worth_ it.

.

.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Leave a comment, give me kudos. More coming.


	3. I must be out of my mind… to come back begging for more…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gaang's on the move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad people are enjoying this story. Honestly, these are a combination of multiple plot bunnies I was considering on writing individually but it's such a waste of energy to keep up with so many of them. So, I decided to just squish them all together! I hope you like this! Leave a comment and stuff. Enjoy!

Zuko was eating his midday meal when he felt the ground shake beneath him.

Toph immediately ordered everyone on Appa, and they flew high into the clouds. Zuko observed that the group was quicker to break camp these days, and easier to be told to move. He guessed meeting Azula could have that effect. After all, his sister leaves an impression that seared.

Zuko took care to look at his surroundings, weighing in the metal vehicle he’d seen his sister traveled in when he followed it, and made a calculated risk.

“We should turn back.” He suggested. Everyone turned to look at him as if he was crazy, even Uncle.

“Are you insane?! Your crazy sister is chasing us!” Sokka needlessly pointed out. Zuko glared at him.

“I know. But she’ll expect a course _away_ from them, not _toward_ them.” Zuko answered. He quickly made a mental image of the map they’d studied this morning. “If we keep heading east, we’ll hit the Si Wong desert. It’s nothing but a barren wasteland. We shouldn’t waste our resources trying to cross it. We can head back west, then down south. Then, we can circle back to Chameleon Bay and to Ba Sing Se.”

Zuko turned to Uncle, waiting for the old man’s approval of the plan. Uncle ran a hand down his beard thoughtfully. He was the one who knew these terrains best. He crossed battalions of their armies to lay siege to the Earth Kingdom’s bastion after all.

“It might just work, Prince Zuko.” Uncle finally answered, nodding slowly. “If we are careful, we might be able to avoid Azula’s contingent entirely. Her party would move toward the desert and they will not have enough time to pursue if we head back and travel through the water. She will also take time as she would have her ship docked on the nearest Fire Nation port. That is miles away from here. But we would have to be discreet. One sighting and she would know what we are planning.”

“That’s good enough for me.” Zuko agreed.

“Why Ba Sing Se?” Sokka asked, genuinely curious.

Zuko shrugged, frowning thoughtfully. “I just figured if you guys are looking for somewhere safe, why not the impenetrable city?”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Katara agreed appreciatively.

“Yeah, and we can go talk to the Earth King!” Aang supplied giddily. “Maybe we can find a way to work with them to stop the war.”

They all turned to Toph who have yet to say anything. She must’ve sensed them waiting and said, “I personally hate that place. I can’t stand it! All the rules and the status, _ugh_! But if it’s the safest place for us to go, why not?”

Aang beamed with childlike enthusiasm. “It’s settled then. Ba Sing Se, here we come!”

They flew higher in the clouds. But the higher they were, the thinner the air became. So, Aang had a genius idea to carefully bend the clouds lower. With he and Katara bending mist and thicker cloud covering, they flew a little lower and out of sight.

Sokka was taking his first shift as look out with the only spy glass they have. An hour of searching brought in results.

“I see the rest of Azula’s party down there.” Sokka announced grimly. “There must be more than a few hundred soldiers.”

Zuko tilted his head. “My sister traveled in luxury but a contingent that big sounds more like a battalion than an escort or entourage. If there are that many soldiers, it’s not my sister’s.”

“Who else could they be?” Katara questioned, raising one eyebrow.

“It is readying for attack.” Uncle offered, looking as grim as Sokka. “The Fire Nation does not move independent battalions across enemy territory and unconquered lands without purpose. It must be there to march somewhere.”

“There’s nothing out here but the desert.” Aang argued. He suddenly started. “Unless they’re trying to cross it.”

“They will not need to cross it,” Uncle said, shaking his head. “There are multiple ways to cross the valley without resorting to the desert. It will take longer but it is safer. I would know. I took armies myself when I laid siege to Ba Sing Se for six hundred days through this valley.”

There’s an uneasy quiet settling amongst the others as they’re reminded who they were actually traveling with. Zuko was the villain they knew. He chased them across the world relentlessly, but he was familiar in a way that their adventures were familiar. Zuko was part of their journey, whether they wanted him or not. But Uncle… Uncle was the _Dragon of the West_. A renowned general, the former Crown Prince, and an infamous leader and warrior who nearly captured one the Earth Kingdom’s greatest strongholds. They never realized that person was the kindly old man who fought with them and seemed more eccentric and level-headed than his nephew. Zuko saw the moment they realized it, and he felt trapped.

They were thousands of feet up in the air. They will not survive the fall.

“There’ll be ships.” Zuko said, distracting them. He barely stopped himself from gesturing wildly. “We’ll have to be careful once we’re above the water, too. If they’re mounting an attack against Ba Sing Se, they’ll bring more men through the sea and try to either conquer Chameleon Bay to Serpent’s Pass or they’ll dock ahead and meet with the battalions that will march through the valley.”

“Why not sail all the way? Why march through the terrain?” Sokka asked, dragging his gaze away from Uncle. Zuko appreciated the effort.

“You don’t want to put all of your men in one place.” Zuko told Sokka sagely. These were lessons he took as a child, a prince who would one day inherit the right to command. “It’ll be more practical to have your forces divided than be ambushed once and lose them all.”

Sokka nodded in understanding, considering those words. “Then, we should change tactics. We should travel through the night and rest during the day. We’ll take shifts as look outs when we’re on the ground. That way, they won’t move during the night and we’ll be free to fly, and during the mornings, they’ll be on the move, while we stay put somewhere safe.”

Zuko nodded in approval. He silently considered the clear distinction of their strategies. While Zuko was trained to lead armies through terrains and sail the seas in navies and armed machines, Sokka from the Southern Water Tribe was trained to _hunt_. A hunter with a pack, to circle around the enemy prey until they are cornered enough to strike.

Zuko almost smiled. He could respect that.

So, they traveled during the night and rested during the day.

Zuko and Toph volunteered to keep track of the enemy camp sites nearest to their area and scouted whenever they could. Toph’s earth bending could reach miles and miles away from their position, informing them which clearing would be best to stay in or which cave they should consider. Zuko donned his Blue Spirit disguise after a pit stop at a local town to grab a mask and infiltrated the nearest camp sites, bringing back supplies that wouldn’t be missed like an extra ration pack, a medical kit, or extra blankets. No one saw him go in and no one saw him go out. He was like a ghost, haunting the camps just before dawn when they’ve flown long enough to warrant a rest.

Zuko lived for the few hours he became the Blue Spirit. He was always better moving within the shadows, where light runs scarce and his blades move unseen. With the mask firmly in place, Zuko was suddenly someone else. He _moved_ like someone else, and _thought_ like someone else. The Blue Spirit does not care for the duties and burdens of Prince Zuko. The Blue Spirit moves in calculated whims, and almost righteous fury. It was almost addictive to be free.

Sokka and Katara were, of course, less than thrilled when they discovered the real identity of the Blue Spirit.

“I cannot believe you didn’t tell us that it was Zuko who rescued you from Zhao!” Katara had yelled to Aang. The Avatar cowered behind Toph’s small form as the earth bender laughed at Aang for evading the water bender. Katara continued to angrily hissed at Aang after they shushed her for being too loud, and Aang continued to hide and refrained from speaking. Meanwhile, Sokka inched near Zuko.

“You’re the crazy vigilante who saved Aang against an entire Fire Nation stronghold?!” Sokka looked at Zuko is disbelief. Zuko scowled at him, and almost shoved him back when Sokka drew too close in his space. Uncle only hummed peaceably but Zuko is not buying it. His Uncle will use this to make him guilty enough to drink more tea. Not that Zuko minded but honestly, Zuko had never found the appeal of drinking calming tea. Maybe it had something to do with being old.

“ _Vigilante_?” Zuko echoed.

“Yeah! You had a wanted poster and everything!” Sokka screeched. What was it with these Water Tribe peasants who always seems to yell when the person they’re speaking to is standing right in their face? Zuko almost pinched the bridge of his nose. He had no right to talk, after all the times he yelled at Uncle’s face. Maybe this is karma. “If you’re an enemy of the Fire Nation, I’d always thought you could only be on our side. Plus, you rescued Aang from your own people. It doesn’t get any more vigilante than that.”

“I’m not a vigilante.” Zuko insisted, grinding his teeth again. He often did that with Sokka around. “I did it because I couldn’t stand the thought of Zhao winning over me.”

Sokka tilted his head in thought. Seemingly coming to a realization, he nodded. “Yeah, I couldn’t either.”

After the initial shock of his Blue Spirit guise, Sokka had demanded demonstrations with the dao blades. They ventured into the thickest part of the forest they can find and Zuko showed him the basic katas he’d learned when he began learning to wield a sword. The forms should’ve bored Sokka but the Water Tribe warrior salivated over each move, practicing it even before Zuko finished doing the kata. It was then that Zuko realized that apart from his boomerang, Sokka was not trained with a weapon at all.

Zuko swallowed the shock, thinking how on earth Sokka was still alive after multiple encounters with Azula, Mai and Ty Lee. His sister was not known to be merciful for liabilities like Sokka was. Zuko immediately berated himself, knowing that’s not exactly true. No, Sokka may not be trained with other weapons just yet but he was cunning and brave. He’d seen Sokka fight to protect his home alone against Fire Nation soldiers and Zuko himself. With loyalty like that, Sokka was definitely not a liability.

.

.

.

Sometimes, when the sun is too bright and he can’t sleep, Zuko wonders what he’s still doing here.

Days have passed since he and Uncle joined their group traveling through a Fire Nation infested valley. Uncle was fully healed yet they were _still_ _here_. Uncle still cooked food with Katara and made them all tea. Zuko was still here scouting camp sites and stealing provisions to take back with him. Aang and the others have let their guard down completely, their looks trusting and their words warm and welcoming.

Some days, when he remembers they were supposed to be enemies, Zuko would deliberately practice his bending. Fire always had a way of driving them away most of the time. It was the only way Zuko could be alone without resorting to screaming at them.

What was he doing not capturing the Avatar to drag back to his father? What was he doing making allies with his enemies? What was he doing forsaking his one chance of regaining his honor, his throne, his home for something as futile as getting these children somewhere safe through a valley filled to the brim with his own people? What was he doing learning all their names and listening to their stories, teaching them to fight and stealing for them?

Why was he so reluctant to betray them?

Why was he so reluctant to _leave_?

_Why did he want to stay?_

Uncle was no help at all. He would only smile proudly at Zuko each time he approached him with these questions, and tell him that these are answers Zuko must seek alone and decisions he should make himself. He would talk about duties, destinies and what Zuko wanted, as if they are all separate entities. He would talk about balance and weighing light with darkness, and Zuko would spiral down another hole trying to climb back up. When Uncle realized he had given Zuko enough to think about, he would nudge him back to the others, and Zuko always felt as if the answer was within his grasp, before they slipped away like sand in his hands.

He would watch Toph teach Aang earth bending, applying her version of positive reinforcement on the poor air nomad just on the rare days they decided Aang cannot stop his earth bending lessons. Sokka would come back to camp with some fish he caught in the dead of night from the nearby creek and Katara would take inventory of their supplies.

Zuko would watch them wave him over with nearly nonexistent fear or suspicion.

The answer always seemed so close. But when he joined these ragtag team of children in their quiet banter about their day, the answer had never seemed so far away.

.

.

.

It was around the second week of traveling together when Zuko realized that Azula had caught on.

The Blue Spirit was making one of his scouting trips on the nearest Fire Nation camp miles away from the Avatar’s camp. He crept through the tall tents, listening to the gossips of the random soldiers enjoying their supper. Zuko wanted to raid the storage tents and the supply carts but tonight, it was too much of a risk. The camp had increased their shifts near the supply carts, which meant they were on to something.

He would have to take extra care to leave absolutely traceless. Zuko was just about to leave when he heard a voice that he hasn’t heard for a long time.

“Ty Lee, would you hurry up?” she grumbled, irritated. One glance was all he needed to see the long, sullen face he’d remembered. Mai had grown to be prettier than he remembered her being. She was waiting for another girl with a long braid down her back, flirting shamelessly with the youngest soldiers. The girl skipped to where Mai was standing and beamed unrepentantly.

“I’m sorry, Mai, I can’t help it!” Ty Lee giggled, waving her fingers back at the lovestruck soldiers. “I was just having fun. Besides, Azula isn’t even finished with the reports from the captain yet. What’s the big rush?”

“I just don’t want you to leave a trail of drama again.” Mai drawled. “You know what happened at the other camp.”

“It wasn’t my fault they’d fallen so hard for me. I was only there for a few hours!” Ty Lee chirped.

Mai rolled her eyes. “Exactly. I don’t want to hear another word from the captains about disrupting their morale or something.”

Ty Lee pouted at being reprimanded by her friend. Then, her eyes dawned in realization and tilted her head as she asked, “Is this because you missed seeing Zuko?”

Mai’s nearly impenetrable mask only slipped for a millisecond but Zuko saw it. He’d always been able to recognize it. He saw the girl who blushed when he offered to let her go through a door first or when his hand brushed too close to hers when they stand next to each other. The girl who saw him and her lips would lift just slightly, almost too quick for anyone to notice. But Zuko always watched for it. He anticipated it even. Zuko could only stare at Mai as she buried all of it with a vengeance and the anger that followed was not even bothered to be hidden.

“Ty Lee.” Mai hissed, that one word carrying entire scrolls of hidden meaning.

Ty Lee almost looked sheepish. “Sorry.”

“Come on,” Mai said, shrugging it off and turning to leave. “Let’s go find Azula and get this over with.”

Ty Lee didn’t move just yet and she whispered, “I hope we do see Zuko soon. It’ll be nice to finally catch up with him.”

Mai looked at her from the corner of her eyes and said nothing. She strode away with Ty Lee at her heels, going to find his sister. Zuko almost slipped, almost forgot he was wearing his mask. But he recovered swiftly and made quick work of slipping away from the camp.

Azula figured out their plan and she was catching up.

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.

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.


	4. And how long must I stay… just to say that I’m yours…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An inside look of each of Zuko’s relationship with Team Avatar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Our internet disappeared. It's still gone but I managed to scrounge up enough mobile data for this. The pandemic has most of the internet completely gone in some areas. It's a pain. But we'll push through. But anyway, this chapter was a surprise one. A comment by FenrisJin inspired me to make a fluff interlude before shit hits the fan. Like the calm before the storm. Nothing good lasts forever for Zuko, especially not this early in the game. But suffering has always been a good teacher for him. I know he's pulled through worse. Haha. Also, please help me pray for my WiFi. haha. It's hard to work without it. Who's the patron saint for internet connection and I'll leave a candle out for them. haha. But anyway. Hope you enjoy this story and leave a comment below!

“We need to leave.” Zuko said as he entered their camp. “ _Now_.”

Everyone immediately sat up from where they were lounging. He went straight for his and Uncle’s side of the camp, grabbed the few belongings he and Uncle possessed and shoved them roughly into a rucksack. After he was done, he started to dismantle the tents they put up, slowly dismembering the parts with expert hands. Zuko was used to this by now he can do it with his eyes closed.

“Slow down, Zuko,” Katara said, gesturing for him to stop. “What happened?”

“Azula is on our tail.” Zuko simply said, not stopping. “She’s in the camp just a few miles away from here. We need to move further.”

“Zuko, you need to calm down.” Sokka placated. He raised an eyebrow, his uncanny skill of perception and hunting coming into play. “If we stick to the plan, they won’t catch us. The fact that Azula’s in a camp that’s miles away from us instead of on us tells me she’s doesn’t know where we are exactly. But one wrong move, and she’ll catch us.”

Zuko paused, his heart still racing but his breathing has slowed enough that he can process what Sokka was trying to tell him.

“Sokka is right, Nephew.” Uncle supplied, a warm hand falling on Zuko chases away all the cold dread that had seeped into him. Zuko slowly inhaled, and a fire-licked breath rushed out. “Azula may only have one piece of the puzzle. So long as we do not give her any more pieces, we are safe. For now.”

Zuko turned to look at all of them. He looked cynically livid.

“None of you know my sister like _I_ do!” Zuko seethed, his fists encased in flames. “She’s lethal. She’s calculating to the _bone_. You think just because she hasn’t stormed our camp that she doesn’t know our position?! You think because she’s miles away, that’s enough of a distance to feel safe?! Haven’t you learned _anything_?! Azula is planning something!”

Everyone became absolutely still. Most of them wore worried expressions or, in Toph’s case, nearly murderous, and Zuko absolutely doesn’t understand _why_. He gritted his teeth. That doesn’t matter now.

“Azula is going to find us. It’s not a matter of _if_ but _when_ ,” Zuko barreled on, turning around to continue packing their meagre belongings.

“Zuko,” Aang said behind him, approaching cautiously. “I know you’re scared, but—”

“ _SCARED_?!” Zuko exploded, rounding on the little air bender already hunching away from him. “YOU THINK _AZULA_ AND AN ENTIRE _ARMY_ AT HER COMMAND ISN’T SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT?! You think you can _dance_ around her like you’ve done with me?! Look at what she did to her own _uncle_ , Aang! Look at what she’s doing to _me_! We’re her family and she doesn’t care! If you think she’ll show you mercy just because you’re a kid then you’re more naïve than I thought!”

He was breathing hard by the end of it and Uncle was already moving to put a calming hand on his shoulder. It also felt like a warning in restraint, a grounding force. Zuko isn’t sure what it was but it was effective. His anger slowly left him and it left nothing behind but frustration. He shouldn’t have to explain how much danger they were in now that Azula was already on their tail. He shouldn’t have to convince them to get moving where they can be safe, where they can regroup, where they find real allies. He shouldn’t have to be here at all. But he was _still here_. Zuko still doesn’t understand a single thing about why that is.

Zuko’s beginning to dread that he’ll never understand anything ever again.

Aang’s cowed look finally made the last of his frustration go away. It wasn’t the kid’s fault he was the Avatar. He was so young, Zuko sometimes wished it was someone else. _Anyone_ else to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. But it was this nice, bald kid who can’t even recognize cruelty even if it looked him in the eye and shot his face full of fire.

Zuko sighed and turned away.

“We must move now, before Azula finds us here.” Uncle said, taking the role of responsible adult effectively well. Zuko shouldn’t be surprised. He was the Fire Nation’s top general once. “We will find a cave as far away from any Fire Nation camp site as we possibly can. We will camouflage it for more precaution. We will have to be more careful. If we are found before we reach Chameleon Bay, we will not be able to escape.”

Everyone but Zuko nodded in agreement.

“We will have to fly longer and faster in order to shake Azula. We will camp in the most unpredictable areas. No more clearings. We will dwell in caves and hunt for our own food.” Uncle continued, listing down one rule after the other. “No more excursions to any town or camp sites. We will work with what we have and our instincts. We will no longer risk anyone scouting too far from our camp. We will refrain from training with bending as much as possible.”

Toph nodded grimly. “All right, Uncle.”

Zuko grimaced at the name. Uncle smiled down at her, and said to everyone, “All will be well, children. We will make sure of it.”

They all packed hurriedly after Uncle dismissed them. Zuko realized that he was already done packing and decided to flop down on the ground and wait. Uncle was there beside him.

“Prince Zuko,” he began, concerned amber-gold eyes settling on him. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Uncle.” Zuko reluctantly gritted out. “I just want to go already.”

Uncle didn’t sigh but he knew it was a near thing. “We will make it, nephew. Have faith.”

Zuko closed his eyes so he didn’t have to talk. It was long before everyone was ready to go. They packed every provision they had left and lifted off on Appa. They flew through the clouds, Sokka occasionally noting the positions of the Fire Nation camps. He’d gotten good at spotting them.

When they landed, Uncle took point on instructing them again. He specified what they needed for the cave they found deep in the forest. Toph and Aang both followed Uncle’s instructions to the letter.

They covered their tracks and made sure that the cave entrance was covered with almost naturally grown moss and vines. It took careful bending to make it, and combined with Katara water bending the vines to make sure they hung long enough down their little entrance to be unnoticeable, it was the perfect hideout. Uncle had also made sure that they had an escape route just in case the entrance was surrounded. So, Toph and Aang got to work carefully carving the earth without making too much noise or tremors, blowing an exit large enough even Appa can fit through and deep enough not even an earth bender will suspect it was there. Sokka and Katara babbled about an ancient tunnel built by the very first earth benders and about a group of nomads they met near Omashu but Zuko was only half-listening. He was on high alert the entire time they dug, climbing tall trees to peer through the few meters he can see.

When they were done, Zuko volunteered to take first watch. No one objected, knowingly giving him worried glances as they acquiesced. Zuko shrugged them all off, pretending he didn’t see.

It was just after the dawn when Katara came to give him some food to eat. He accepted with a barely heard thanks. He didn’t feel hungry but he knew he had to be. It’s been _hours_ since he last ate, but he only felt that gnawing feeling of numbness in the pit of his stomach. He clenched his fingers around the small bowl in his hands, the gnawing feeling intensifying.

“Hey,” Katara said. Zuko started. He hadn’t noticed she was still there. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Zuko sighed. “Sure.”

Katara sat beside him on the cool rock he perched on, the sun rising high in the sky. She seemed hesitant and unsure how to continue. Zuko sighed and offered her an olive branch.

“Look, I’m sorry I yelled earlier.” Zuko said, his voice as rough as gravel. “I just want to get this over with.”

Katara nodded slowly. “I think I understand. You’re in a difficult position. It’s not like I had a sister out for my blood.”

Zuko snorted dryly. “Yeah.”

There was a pause before Katara found her bearings again.

“I was just thinking,” Katara began. “You’re not coming to Ba Sing Se with us, aren’t you?”

Zuko stiffened and refused to meet her searching eyes. In truth, Zuko was planning to convince Uncle to leave just before they reached the earth kingdom stronghold. He might allow traveling along with the Avatar and his friends to evade his sister, but he’d rather die than take Uncle to the only place in the world that held his worst memories. Not to mention what the Earth King would do with two Fire Nation royalty in his grasp. Even as the Avatar’s companions, Zuko knew there would be no forgiveness or mercy for them in that wretched place. He had planned to take Uncle and run just before they reached the city. He knew that Aang and the others would search for them but he knew they wouldn’t try too hard, not when Ba Sing Se offers them so much more than two disgraced princes from the Fire Nation. They’d lose them in days, he knew. Zuko found that dodging Aang was a lot easier than trying to catch him.

“What makes you say that?” Zuko asked casually. But he was a terrible liar and by the look on Katara’s face, he knew he didn’t succeed.

“It’s the way you said it back when you suggested we should go to Ba Sing Se.” Katara explained. “You said ‘if you guys were looking for somewhere safe.’ It’s safe for _us_ but I’m guessing that it isn’t safe for _you_ or Uncle.”

Zuko almost always laugh whenever the Avatar or one his friends called the Dragon of the West _Uncle_. It was almost like a slap in the face. A joke told by the spirits, and Zuko was the punchline.

“No,” Zuko admitted, looking away. “It’s not. Ba Sing Se has a terrible memory of the Fire Nation, especially of my Uncle.”

Katara was quiet for a moment, until she reached for her necklace. The one Zuko used to lure them into a trap what felt like a lifetime ago. It seemed so insignificant back then. Just another means to an end. But now, looking at it displayed on Katara’s neck, he finally understood that it was a piece of her.

“When Sokka and I were young, a Fire Nation ship invaded my village.” Katara said quietly, almost a whisper. Zuko’s stiff posture became even more rigid. He knew that Sokka and Katara’s fight against his country was personal, but he never knew _how_ personal it was. He has a feeling he’s about to find out. “The clouds rained ashes like they did back in the North Pole and I ran to find my mom. When I went inside our tent, there was a man there. I was so scared. I still remember the look in his eyes.”

Katara’s anger was palpable, almost churning, like the ocean that cold day of the Northern siege. A shiver ran down Zuko’s spine at the sight of it but he held absolutely still, as if moving would unleash that anger down on him and he could do nothing but drown in it.

Katara’s cold blue eyes didn’t reflect any light from the sun. None at all. “My mom told me to go and find my dad, and I did. I told him there was a man in our house. When we ran back to her, my mom was…”

Her breaths were shallow, her form trembling from the weight of her own grief and pain. Zuko knew exactly how that felt. How someone you loved could be ruthlessly ripped away from you and you don’t know why. It was excruciating and maddening, like a nightmare that can’t end.

“I guess we have that in common.” Zuko found himself saying, voice hoarse. Something in Katara’s eyes cracked like ice and gave way to something softer, something keen to understanding. He always hated it when people pitied him, but something about the way Katara looked at him didn’t feel like pity. It was something more _meaningful_ and _deeper_. Katara’s small smile of acknowledgement made Zuko wonder _again_ what he was still even doing here. He sighed. “Why are you telling me this?”

Katara considered him. “Because I wanted to tell you that we see you.”

“ _See_ me?” Zuko echoed, puzzled.

“Yeah, we _see_ who you _are_.” Katara emphasized, smiling just a little. “I used to think of you as the face of the enemy. The Crown Prince of the people who murdered my mother. The prince who stubbornly chased us half-away across the world no matter how many times we beat you into the ground. But then, you saved Aang from Zhao—”

Zuko frowned. “I only did it because I wanted to catch him myself.”

“—you steal food from your own soldiers—”

“—we needed to eat _something_ —”

“—you stole those blankets for Toph because she got cold sleeping on the ground—”

“—she’s too _valuable_ scouting the perimeter of the camp to get sick—”

“—you’re teaching Sokka to fight—”

“—I didn’t want him to slow us down when we need to fight our way out of a trap—”

“—you put up our tent, start our camp fire, provide us wood, steal extra teabags for the rest of us, and forage herbs for our supplies—”

“—that’s not—it means _nothing_ —”

“—and you’re still here, making sure we get somewhere safe, even at the cost of your own safety.”

Zuko’s mouth snapped shut. Katara smiled like she’d grasped victory in her hands and Zuko grinded his teeth. He didn’t even know what she _won_ against him.

“We see you for who you are, Zuko. We’ve gotten to _know_ you.” Katara told him with conviction, the sunlight finally dancing in her ocean blue eyes. “Even if you bury yourself to be the prince your father wants you to be. I hope one day you’ll find yourself and see it, too.”

Words echoed inside Zuko’s mind like a ghost. _Never forget who you are._

Katara’s hand lay on his shoulder only for a moment but it was warm and gentle. It felt like a piece of something he’d been looking for after all these years. When she was gone, Zuko looked up at the sun, Agni brightly shining down on him that it reminded him of the flare he’d seen down in the South Pole, holding all of his hopes of home.

It didn’t taste as bitter as he expected it to be.

.

.

.

The next night, Zuko found himself facing off Sokka in a spar.

The other teen had progressed quickly, working hard and practicing until he nearly fainted from exhaustion with a smug smile on his face. He got up each time Zuko trounced him into the dirt, dusted off, and made Zuko explain where he went wrong. Then, they would go again and again and again until they both felt like their bones were made with jelly. No matter how many times Katara yelled at them both, Sokka would just apologize to his sister, drag Zuko away and throw himself into training again and the cycle repeats. Zuko respected this side of Sokka. The warrior side, the one who never slacked, the one who worked and chased, trying to keep up with some of the most prodigious benders of their lifetime along with the Avatar.

Sometimes, Zuko wondered if he was a lot like Sokka. Past the aggravating humor and the wisecrack jokes, Zuko and Sokka shared a lot in common. They were both the firstborn sons of the leaders of their people, the heirs who would inherit that leadership, the older brothers of more powerful little sisters, the ones who resort to ingenious resources to achieve their goals, and the ones who kept going even after setback after setback.

It always gave Zuko whiplash whenever he thought about it.

But spending time with Sokka made him think more than what they had in common. It made him think about his country.

Listening to Sokka talk about his father, Hakoda, and his small village down in the South Pole made Zuko think there must be something wrong with the Fire Nation. He loved his country— _loved his people_ —but there was something about the Water Tribe’s open discussion about their grievances to their chief, their tight-knit community, and the stories of people so closely intertwined you didn’t know where the tribe ends and starts. The Southern Water Tribe had been reduced to a small, barely surviving village through the last one hundred years of raiding from his own people, Zuko knew, but they thrived because they knew how to work together. Chief Hakoda, with the remaining men of the Southern Water Tribe, sailed across the Earth Kingdom and did what they can to help end this war.

Zuko felt traitorous enough thinking why they were still fighting in the first place, so, he buried that along with all the voices that whispered to him before he slept. He still didn’t know what to do with them.

But something didn’t sit well with him about what Katara said to him. It was nagging him so bad that he couldn’t help but try and seek answers somewhere similar. When they took one of their breaks, Zuko decided that Sokka may be able to help him with Katara’s little speech.

“So, your sister came to talk to me last night.” Zuko opened.

Sokka swallowed his water before cautiously answering, “What did she say?”

Zuko shifted uneasily. “She just—she told me she _sees_ me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. This is stupid.

Sokka gave him a look. “Sees you?”

Zuko couldn’t stop now that he opened his stupid mouth, so, he barreled on impulsively like he always did. He sighed and it sounded like caving in to Sokka. “She came to talk to me last night and told me she sees me for who I really am.”

Sokka almost grinned but stopped himself. But he couldn’t resist remarking, “Katara’s known for making hopeful speeches. They seem to work ninety percent of the time.” Then, Sokka sobered and looked at his friend closely. “But what did you think about it?”

Zuko caught the almost prodding lilt in Sokka’s tone. After nearly weeks of companionship and training together, Zuko had learned to read the other teen better. He knew when Sokka was joking or when he was serious, when he was blustering or when he was dejected. Zuko knew he was asking for the rest of his friends, too. He’d seen them huddle together those rare times Zuko and Uncle made their way through the forest to forage for food or to set a perimeter. Zuko knew that the topic of their enemy-turned-stragglers would’ve come up eventually. He knew it came up when he was alone with Uncle. Questions upon questions, decisions upon decisions, yet no one dared to make the first move. No one was willing to bring it up, not even Toph, the bluntest of them all.

Until Katara came to talk to him. Now, all Zuko can think about was why he was really here.

“I think Katara has me confused with someone she made up in her head.” Zuko said wryly.

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “My sister is mostly pretty good at seeing what people are capable of better than themselves. Have we ever told you about that one time she hope-speeched an entire prison of earth benders to riot against a Fire Nation warden?”

“Sokka, I don’t think you and your friends understand the situation.” Zuko gritted out, scowling at him. Sokka frowned in response. “Uncle and I aren’t staying indefinitely. We’re leaving as soon as we lose Azula.”

“And you’re not hearing what my sister is offering you.” Sokka countered, crossing his arms. “She told you she sees you, and so do I. All of us do! You can’t lie to save your life!” Zuko scowled harder. “You don’t have to do any of this. In fact—if we were honest—dividing our group sooner would actually be safer. Azula chasing two separate sets of tracks will be mean more time for us to get ahead. But we don’t because as much as you seem to have unconsciously been keeping the rest of us safe, we want to do the same for you. Because that’s what friends are for, you jerk.”

Zuko cried out in frustration and raised his arms in defeat. Something in him snapped and he exploded. “I can’t believe you! _All of you_! I’m your _enemy_! I hunted you down from one end of the world to the next! I kidnapped, bribed, and _fought_ you more times than I can count! You’re all _idiots_ to just let me waltz around like it all _never_ happened! Who _does_ that?! You shouldn’t trust so easily, Sokka! Because if there was even the slightest chance I could still go home if I caught Aang, I would! But my father wants me dead! So, that _chance_ is dead! How messed up is that?!”

Sokka stared at him with unfathomable blue eyes, like Katara. After a moment, Sokka breathed deeply, held it, and exhaled. It was a technique he learned from Zuko himself from the fire bender’s tamer fire bending training. He took a few steps closer to Zuko. “You chased us and gave us hell, that’s true, but it’s not going to change my answer. And I know my sister. It won’t change her answer either. It’s a Water Tribe thing.”

“I’m not your friend.” Zuko insisted almost desperately.

Sokka grinned, lightly patting Zuko’s shoulder. “Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

Zuko wanted to tear his hair out. Sokka happily declared for training to be over uncharacteristically early. He left Zuko alone with his thoughts. Somehow, his thoughts were quieter than he thought it would be.

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It wasn’t long after that until Zuko was ambushed by Toph.

She found him lounging in another rock not unlike how Katara had found him the other night. They had travelled a little further than they anticipated today and Zuko was in a good enough mood to just peacefully settle in as the dawn rose with small vegetables to peal. Toph loved to aggravate Zuko until he was red in the face. It was amusing for her to rile him up or recruit him to aggravate someone else. Mostly, their target is Sokka, who for Toph was the next best thing after Zuko. Sokka used to hold the honor of being Toph’s plaything for her more sadistic tendencies to tease someone until their insides coiled, but Zuko was just the lucky bastard who was worse than Sokka at being baited. It unsettled Zuko at first but he’d seen this small, earth bending brat shiver from the cold air of the dawn or when they rode on Appa through the night, her toes curling as she huddled close to anyone for warmth. The blanket he’d stolen from the military camp and wrapped around her bony shoulders endeared him so much to Toph she wouldn’t leave him alone some days.

Toph often reminded him of Azula, and Zuko had to bite down the urge to flinch away from her. Sometimes, Zuko wondered if Azula would’ve been like Toph if she wasn’t chasing after Zuko’s place as their father’s heir. He wondered if Azula will be more like the blind, cocky earth bender who knew just how good she was and never let anyone forget it. If Azula would have that near solid certainty of who she was and what she wanted, craving after everything the world had to offer her.

Zuko thought about the times when they were young, when their Mom was still there to watch them chase each other through the garden under the shade by the turtleduck pond. He thought about his sister’s playful smile then as he chased after her. Zuko tried to recall the scarce memories of when his sister was no one to fear but someone to love. Someone to look after and someone to protect. He tried to remember how he’d gone from promising his mother his little sister would always be safe and loved with him to detesting every moment he had to spend under Azula’s cruel tendencies.

But those memories were nearly all gone. Nearly wiped away like an old dream.

Now, all he sees are her hands wreathed with the coldest fire.

Toph was nothing like his sister.

“Hey, Sparky, I heard from Katara that you and Uncle might be leaving us before we reach Ba Sing Se.” Toph blundered uncaringly as she approached him. Zuko only shot her an exasperated look that she’ll never see. She smirked anyway, knowing from the way his heart paced that she’d successfully riled him. He dropped the small vegetables he’d been pealing to brace himself for her onslaught. Coming to know Toph, Zuko knew that she had much more ammunition under her belt. And here he thought he’ll have a few hours of peace to himself.

“And what about it?” he asked cautiously.

“Not much.” Toph said, and lounged on the ground next to him. “I just want you to know I want weekly updates of where you and Uncle will be heading. You know, just in case I got tired of Ba Sing Se. It really is the worst city in the world.”

“Why would I do that?” Zuko voiced impulsively. This small child is impossible.

“ _Because_ , Royal-Hot-Head,” she stressed like he was an idiot. “I want another place to crash when the others are too stubborn to leave that Koh-cursed city.”

“You’re seriously complaining to me that the _others_ are _stubborn_ , Bei Fong?” Zuko challenged, a smirk curling his lips.

Toph grinned back. “Even the greatest earth bender would tell you Ba Sing Se is crap. I would know. That’s me. I’m the _greatest_ earth bender in the world.”

Zuko snorted. He enjoyed bantering with her. It was easy and always light. There was never any bad blood between them, as Toph joined Aang after Zuko had been declared a traitor. He didn’t have that constant need to tread on eggshells or even that small, pulsing guilt of what he’d done in the past. Toph felt like a breath of fresh air, or like a patch of ground he never dug. Zuko never had to hold back with Toph. “Keep telling yourself that. I’m sure someone will say it other than you one day.” Zuko shot back.

Toph huffed and her grin dimmed into a small, genuine smile. “But seriously, Sparky, let me know, okay?”

Zuko’s own lips formed the same tiny smile but he couldn’t help the bemused frown come to his features, and sounded just a tad bit confused. “Why would you want to?”

Toph almost groaned. But she settled for something that was more like a sigh. “Because I like hanging out with you and Uncle. Just because we’re on opposite sides doesn’t mean I can’t care about both of you. You’re pretty fun to be around.”

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone call me fun. _Ever_.” Zuko pointed out. Then, he took a deep breath. “Toph, you know we can’t be friends.”

“And why not?” Toph demanded, her youthful voice only mad her sound whiny. Zuko sighed.

“You know why.” Zuko said wryly.

“I don’t get how being the Prince of the Fire Nation has anything to do with us being friends.” Toph insisted, almost stomping her feet on the ground. But stopped herself in time. Zuko had told her about how she made the earth trembled in far distances. “If anything, as a Bei Fong, Katara and Sokka as the children of the Southern Water Tribe’s Chief, and Aang as the Avatar, we would be closer to rank more than anything. In another world, we would’ve been the perfect friends.”

 _In another world_. Another universe, somewhere far different from what Zuko have come to know, would be a place where they would all be safe. A place where Zuko would still be in a palace at the heart of the Fire Nation, living as a spare prince with unlikely friends from all over the world. He would have his mother and his sister would never attempt to usurp him. Because he’d have nothing of value to take. Because he’d only be a spare with nothing to inherit. He’d have all the time and all the world to explore at his own pace. Because he’d just be _Zuko_.

In another universe, he would be free to live his life the way he wanted.

But that’s not the world he has.

“I’m sorry, Toph,” he whispered quietly. He turned away from her, the vegetable laid forgotten on his lap.

But Toph was an earth bender. Stubbornness and grit were the foundation of her soul, like the way they burned in Zuko.

She grunted at him. “I’m not at all because I asked Uncle first and he _agreed_. Sorry, Sparky, but you’ve officially been granted the lifetime membership of a friendship. You can choke on that.”

Zuko’s good eye widened before he burst out laughing. He almost slapped his mouth shut but the damage was done. He saw the way Toph smirked proudly, as if there was some satisfying victory over the fact that she’d made him laugh. Honestly, Zuko wouldn’t be surprised if she and Katara shared notes.

“Let me know if you’ve come to your senses soon.” Toph said as she walked away.

Zuko leaned back against the rock, ignored the vegetables, and peacefully watched the rising sun.

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The universe often conspired to make Zuko’s life a living hell.

He knew this, accepted it, and made what he can with what he has. He worked harder, forced himself to be faster, pushed himself to be better, so, he’ll just be a little stronger in his father’s eyes. But it had never been enough. Never even _nearly_ enough.

Ozai doesn’t have the same compassion as his elder brother. Where Iroh was perceptive and compassionate, Ozai was ruthless and destructive. Where Iroh was a man with wide, opened eyes, Ozai’s own are narrow and tunneled. Zuko believed his father only did what he had to, that he was teaching Zuko what it meant to have strength. For years, Zuko had made himself believe that his father’s love was only hard to see. But experiencing having Uncle follow him from one end of the world to the other, watching him take blow after blow, and seeing him fall made Zuko finally _see_ that his father doesn’t truly understand what it meant to have a child’s love. But more importantly, how to _love_ at all.

He’s seen Uncle give him proud smiles because he believed Zuko has made friends. He’s seen Uncle beg for food to feed them. He’s seen Uncle give up all the comfort he’d had to join Zuko in exile. Uncle placed a withered hand on his shoulder to wake him from his nightmares. Uncle made him decide for himself. Uncle gave him his _trust_. Uncle gave him his _love_.

And all Zuko had to do to earn it was be himself.

Sometimes, the concept of Uncle’s love frightened him so badly, he wanted to run. Because Uncle had lost enough when he lost Lu Ten and Zuko didn’t want to be his replacement. Because sitting next to Lu Ten’s shadow was sometimes as daunting as sitting next to Azula’s. Because Zuko couldn’t bare lose it if Uncle saw the same failures his father sees in him. Because Zuko doesn’t know how to repay it.

But he has a feeling that he will never have to repay anything.

Zuko doesn’t quite understand it, and he knew he doesn’t have to. It was love freely given.

So, he wasn’t surprised at all, that by the start of the third day since Katara’s little speech, he found Aang waiting for him in a tree he’d chosen to perch in for the duration of their rest. Zuko was only gone for a few minutes, to take his dinner from Uncle with a small smile and saw Uncle’s knowing look. He immediately noticed that Aang wasn’t in the group. With an encouraging pat on his back, Uncle sent him on his way. Zuko had resigned himself to face the Avatar, not unlike how he accepted his fate chasing a legend for the next three years.

“Hey, Zuko,” Aang greeted him with a sober smile. He didn’t exude that boundless energy he normally has, which is a miracle by itself, but also made Zuko more wary.

“Hey, Aang.” He greeted back. Putting off whatever Aang came to talk about, he decided to engage in awkward small talk. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Yeah, I already ate some fruits earlier.” Aang answered politely.

“That’s great.” Zuko shuffled uncomfortably before plopping down on the tree trunk. He ate the porridge in his bowl slowly, tasting all the spices it had and imagined all the ones it was missing. Zuko wasn’t a picky eater but he missed the spicy aftertaste of Fire Palace’s cuisine. He never thought he’d miss something so simple, something he never knew he had until it was gone, that it made the porridge taste a little like ash in his mouth. But he kept eating it anyway, because he also knew what it felt like to be hungry. He knew how lucky he was to have even this much.

“So,” Aang began, awkwardly fidgeting his thumbs together.

Zuko sighed. He wanted to get this over with so he can eat his porridge in peace. “What do you want, Aang?”

“You’re not coming with us to Ba Sing Se?” Aang asked, sounding almost hurt. Zuko looked at him. _Really_ looked at him. Aang’s grey eyes were almost sad, his mouth downturned like a pout. He had a puzzled frown on his brow that looked like he was offended for some reason. Which was, for Zuko who chased this kid around the world, maddening enough he wanted to shove all of his remaining porridge in the air bender’s face. But Uncle and Katara made this porridge. He didn’t want to waste it on that. Maybe he can find an acorn to fling at his face.

“No.” Zuko answered plainly.

“But why?” Aang had the audacity to ask.

Zuko stared again. There had to be an acorn around these woods somewhere. He inhaled, held the breath, and exhaled. “Did you forget who I am? Do you even remember how we met?”

Aang frowned slightly. “I remember just fine. But what does that have to do with you coming with us to Ba Sing Se? Azula can’t take down an entire city like Ba Sing Se but she’ll find you wandering around the Earth Kingdom on your own.”

“I won’t be on my own. Uncle will be with me.” Zuko retorted back, shoving another spoon of porridge into his mouth. He’ll be damned if he went hungry just because he’s arguing with the Avatar.

“Zuko, why aren’t you really coming with us?” Aang asked, unusually serious.

“Aang, banished or not, Uncle and I are princes of the Fire Nation.” Zuko explained, his teeth grinding. He scowled at the Air Nomad. “What do you think will happen the moment we cross the Outer Wall? They’ll arrest us or, worse, _execute_ Uncle for war crimes! Don’t you understand that?! Have any of you considered _that_?! This isn’t some field trip we’re taking together, Aang, this is life or death! We have real problems we can’t evade and responsibilities we can’t brush aside! I am a loyal prince of the Fire Nation! Even if my father wanted me gone, I can’t betray my people!”

“No one is asking you to betray the Fire Nation!” Aang yelled back, incensed. “We’re asking you to come with us where it’s safe! Have you even considered what Uncle wanted to do?!”

“I’m doing what needs to be done to keep him safe!” Zuko growled back.

“Are you?!” Aang unexpectedly challenged. “Because if you traveled on your own on foot, Azula will catch up with you! Why can’t you see that coming to Ba Sing Se is the safest option for you, too?! Why are you so _stubborn_?!”

“And why are _you_ so stubborn?! I don’t understand any of you! I’m supposed to be the evil Fire Nation prince who tried to capture you! Why do you even want me here _with you_?!”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FRIEND!” Aang shouted, standing with his fist clenched. The outburst was so shocking it stunned Zuko to silence. He had never seen Aang so angry outside of the Avatar State.

Zuko had heard all of the others try to convince him to stay or offered him friendship he was denying they had, but he’d never seen any of them angry for it. Least of all would be Aang. He was the kindest, the most understanding, the most pliable, and the one who always avoided confrontations. But Zuko clearly saw the turmoil now. He’d seen glimpses of it before, when Aang thought no one would see. Zuko saw the worry that was etched in that youthful face whenever they discussed their next course. He’d seen the determination and faith in those around him. He’d seen the hope and will to keep those he loved safe.

Aang was the best of them all, but he was also the most vulnerable.

Aang felt too much for his own good. It was something Zuko knew they had in common.

“Because you’re my friend,” Aang repeated slowly, quietly. He sat back down and he turned away from Zuko. His grey eyes were almost dull. “And I don’t want to lose you.”

Zuko closed his eyes and wondered how the universe often conspired to make his life a living hell.

And here lay the truth that Aang was not only the Avatar, but also the last Air Bender. In a single swoop, he’d lost _everything_. His home, his culture, his people were all burned to ash by Zuko’s own family. It had taken one hundred years but for Aang, it had only been a moment. Aang was caught in a storm, closed his eyes, and woke up to a world where nothing of what he once knew existed. Zuko can imagine how that was like. To be lost, casted adrift without a single recognition of this new world he’d been thrown in, with a war that raged like wild fire across the entire world.

He knew what it was like to lose everything. But he also knew what it was like to hold on to what he had left.

“Aang, you’re asking me to leave everything I knew behind,” Zuko rasped, voice thick with an unknown emotion. “Don’t you get it? Accepting your friendship means I give up on who I am. I give up my throne, my honor, my country. I give up going home. We’re supposed to be enemies.”

Aang gave him an unreadable look with watery grey eyes. “I don’t think you need to give up anything to be friends. Friendships are supposed to _give_ you more than what you had. It can’t take away anything you don’t want to lose.”

Zuko grimaced and sighed. His porridge felt cold in his hands.

“You don’t have to face this alone, you know,” Aang prodded further, eyes gaining that burst of hope. “We only want you and Uncle to be safe. We only want to be there to have your back, like you’ve had ours for weeks. You haven’t let yourself see what’s right in front of you, Zuko, and we only want to show you.”

“Show me what exactly?” Zuko sighed impatiently. He was so tired. He only wanted to have a little bit of peace.

Aang took a breath and smiled a little distantly. “When Sokka, Katara, and I went to the Southern Air Temple, I was devasted to see what the Fire Nation did to my people.” Zuko winced and shuddered. He’d been to the Air Temples and seen the damage, too. “It was bad enough that I entered the Avatar State. But Katara talked me down. She told me that she and Sokka were my family, now.”

Zuko’s breaths were even and centered. His mind curiously quiet.

Aang turned to him, grey eyes shining. “I asked you once if we could’ve been friends, and if you asked me, I think we would be _great_ friends. I know it in my heart that you belong with us. _It feels right_.”

Zuko remembered that night, weeks ago, the first day he joined them. It felt like it’s been years.

“You have a place in our family, Zuko,” Aang said, his turmoil balanced once again. “I hope you see that.”

Aang got up to leave when Zuko found his voice.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

Aang turned back. “That’s what friends are for.”

He left Zuko to his thoughts like all the others. But his thoughts were still quiet and his heart was steady.

It was more peace than he’d had in a long time.

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Uncle was the last of the group to come and find him.

When Katara first came to him, it had set a chain reaction he never knew was only waiting to happen. Each one of them had taken their turn to say what they had in mind and left him to deicide. They offered him their trust and a place in this makeshift team of children. They offered him their friendship and home.

Zuko had always thought that his destiny was bringing the Avatar back to the Fire Nation and making his father proud. He believed with all his might that his destiny was more than sailing the world forever, scouring temple after temple, chasing rumor after rumor. A never-ending cycle of failure and disappointment.

In a way, the Avatar had always been his destiny. Zuko sees this now clear as day. He had been exactly where he needed to be when Aang woke up from that iceberg. He’d been exactly where he needed to be when Azula had cornered them. He’d been exactly where he needed to be when he realized that his father was no longer the man that Zuko thought he was.

Destiny is a funny thing, Uncle always said, but Zuko never listened.

He felt like laughing now.

“Prince Zuko,” Uncle approached with his hands folded in his sleeves, a warm smile on his face. Zuko smiled back. “Would care to join us for a cup of tea?”

Zuko never understood his Uncle’s obsession with tea. But it made him happy. Maybe there wasn’t anything to it more than that.

“Uncle, do you want to stay?” Zuko asked instead because he needed to know.

Uncle smiled wider. “I will follow you wherever _you_ go, my nephew.”

And it broke the last of _something_ in Zuko to know someone he loved would always be in his corner. It was a feeling he hasn’t had in years. The feeling of loneliness dissipating like smoke in the wind. The pain he buried finally unearthed and ready to be laid to rest. Lu Ten has been gone for years. It hasn’t stopped hurting, Zuko understood. He hasn’t stopped grieving, either. But he figured it would be better to grieve together than apart.

They’d always been stronger together.

“Okay.” Zuko answered and got up to walk with Uncle to the small circle around a small camp fire.

They walked together companionably, like they’ve always had even when Zuko’s temper flared.

He sat down and accepted the tea Uncle offered him. The looks around the camp were expectant and nervous. He still didn’t understand why they’re so worried about what he decided to do. But he figured he’ll have time to understand. Or maybe there wasn’t anything to it more than the fact they cared.

“So,” Zuko began, sipping his warm tea gracefully like he’d been taught as a prince. “What’s the plan after we reach Ba Sing Se?”

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	5. And you'll never be mine...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. Sorry it took so long to update. But this was a hard chapter to write and I've been busy with work and the pandemic. You get the idea. And I'm also aware of the multiple grammatical errors found in the story across the chapters. Honestly, I don't have time right now to correct them. But I will in the future. So, I hope you guys enjoy this one. Leave a kudos or a comment! That'll be awesome!

They were just two days away from Chameleon Bay and they’ve managed to successfully evade all patches of Fire Nation camp sites littered everywhere. They settled inside a cave under a cliff, the shoreline was short and hidden inside the crescent-shaped beach they found. They were studying the maps Uncle personally acquired from the nearest settlement they can find. Uncle volunteered for the mission himself, being the most unassuming of them all. He came back with maps, clothes, food and supplies and Zuko wondered how his Uncle had even managed to acquire them all. When he stared, Uncle only flicked a newly requisitioned lotus tile in his hand and Zuko snorted. Gambling was never far beneath Uncle to employ as a tactic.

The plan they laid out was straightforward. It would be obvious but it was better than the one they had before where they had to painstakingly make sure they flew undetected. They needed a straight shot to Chameleon Bay where they could lose all remnants of Fire Nation army and navy. But it was a risk. A risk Zuko knew each one of them was willing to take.

“There were rumors that there is a fleet of rebels blocking Chameleon Bay,” Uncle reported that afternoon after he returned from his side trip, stroking his beard thoughtfully. “This made every Fire Nation warship avoid it like the plague. The bay is too narrow for the usual naval strategy the Fire Navy employed, which made it the rebel fleet’s advantage. They would strike each ship that dared to pass through the bay. If we could guarantee that these rebel fleet may be persuaded to let us pass and to seek asylum with them, we would be able to travel to Ba Sing Se unhindered and protected.”

“So, we just convince these rebels to side with us?” Sokka said out loud. He turned to Aang pointedly. “Easy enough.”

Surprisingly, Aang gave him a skeptical look. “I know I’m usually more optimistic but how do we know they aren’t pirates? Or they could be like Jet if they’re rebels! And besides, two days of flying can tire Appa out pretty fast with all of us on his back. What about we stop by this village first before heading to Chameleon Bay? Maybe they’ll know who these rebels are!”

Aang pointed to the village nearest Chameleon Bay. It had a harbor and Zuko knew that it would be heavily guarded by Earth Kingdom soldiers this close to Ba Sing Se. It wouldn’t be a free port, which meant Azula’s warship or any Fire Nation battle cruiser wouldn’t be able to drop anchor. The harbor would also ensure that it would be riddled with merchants and people. It was a good place to blend in and disappear if they needed to. Zuko frowned thoughtfully.

“I don’t see why we can’t do just that.” Katara seconded. Sokka rolled his eyes behind her. She always took Aang’s side. Zuko almost smirked but stopped himself just in time. Katara was right where she can see him. “It might be safer to know more about these rebels before we meet them. I seriously don’t want to meet another Jet or pirates or, worse, General Fong.”

Sokka and Aang cringed at the general’s name. Zuko wanted to ask but decided it didn’t matter at the moment. He turned to Uncle.

“It would only be fair to scout them out first.” Zuko offered. But what he didn’t say was that he worried that whoever they were, may not be too friendly with two Fire Nation princes. It was best to assess what they were going into. Uncle always said he was too reckless and impulsive, but with Uncle and everyone else’s life on the line, Zuko was more than willing to think things through.

“I agree.” Uncle said easily, smiling benignly and sipped the tea he brewed from the supplies he brought back.

“I’m fine with it, too.” Toph agreed from where she was lounging against the cave’s wall, sounding a little bored already.

“Well, it looks like it’s settled.” Sokka declared. “We’ll fly to this town to gather more information about the rebel fleet. Then, fly all the way to Chameleon Bay once we know they aren’t raving lunatics who want to use Aang as a weapon of mass destruction.”

Aang scowled at him, but there was genuine fear in his eyes. Zuko frowned and asked, “Who’s Jet and Gerenal Fong?”

So, Zuko, Uncle and Toph were regaled by the trio’s unfortunate adventures with Jet the Freedom Fighter and General Fong of an Earth Kingdom outpost. By the end of it, Zuko was hurling insults at both men, using curse words he’d learned from the men on the _Wani_. Aang and Katara recoiled away from the onslaught of the profanity that came out of the prince’s mouth. Uncle only sighed. Meanwhile, Sokka and Toph looked like the spirits hand-wrapped them their birthday presents and gave them early this year.

Zuko’s tirade only ended when Katara finally put her foot down and told him to speak in civilized sentences or she’ll freeze his lips shut. Zuko looked mutinous but chose his next words with care.

“I don’t know how you could’ve missed the fact Fong was only using you, Aang.” Zuko glared at the Avatar in question. “It seemed pretty obvious from the start.”

With the Freedom Fighter, Zuko could understand. In a way, Jet and his Freedom Fighters were nothing but a tragic tale. They were orphans who suffered unspeakable horror in this war. Zuko had seen so much of it when he traveled through the Earth Kingdom. He’d seen what his country’s bid for greatness had truly done to the world. The Freedom Fighters were just another example of what the war had reaped with its destruction. Some people would do anything to get revenge, and would stop at nothing when they are fueled with hatred. Even if it meant killing hundreds, leaving destruction in their wake.

Zuko could easily see himself in Jet. But he refused to be so twisted that he’d willingly wipe out an entire village just to kill a handful of soldiers. He knew deep down he wouldn’t let himself fall that far.

But General Fong was another story. Zuko had much to say about Katara, Sokka and, most especially, Aang for falling for such an obvious trap. Even Zuko hadn’t done anything as stupid as that.

Aang looked away, his eyes shameful. “I just didn’t want to use the Avatar State to hurt people like that again. I wanted to take control of it, and I guess I was desperate enough to accept Fong’s help.”

Zuko finally released the last dregs of his anger, and a bone-deep exhaustion replaced it. He still dreamt of Aang in the Avatar State, wreaking havoc to all those ships. The bodies that floated, the screams they heard those first few hours, and the storms they had to dodge afterwards. It all seemed so fresh in his nightmares. But the most painful thing about it was that his crew from the _Wani_ had been there, and he has no idea if they made it out or not. Zuko thought he was better off not knowing.

“The siege at North Pole was horrible. I know, Aang. Uncle and I drifted through the wreckage for days,” he said soberly, golden eyes drawing shut. “And even if I’m angry that so many people had to die for something so meaningless, I’ve come to realize that you only did what you needed to do to protect the Northern Water Tribe and the Moon Spirit. Knowing now that you never even had any control once the Ocean Spirit took over, I don’t really know what to feel about that. But what I _do_ know is that it wasn’t entirely your fault, Aang. It was Zhao who led all those soldiers to their deaths by refusing to surrender. Zhao was the one who killed the Moon Spirit and angered the Ocean Spirit. I saw La drag him down the depths. He’s paid for what he’s done. But it doesn’t change the fact that many still died for his worthless cause.”

Zuko opened his eyes and looked at Aang. “I know nothing I’ll say can make it better, or can bring anyone back to life, but I want you to know that I get it and I forgive you, Aang.”

Aang’s tears spilled down his cheeks. His smile looked so relieved, as if he was waiting for those words for a long, long time. He suddenly tackled Zuko in a hug. Zuko flailed in surprise and demanded the Airbender to get off of him, but nothing can detach Aang from his hold. He sobbed on Zuko’s shoulder like a dam had broken inside of him. Katara had tears in her eyes, too, and she looked at both of them proudly. Uncle’s smile was almost beaming and there was so much love in those eyes Zuko honestly doesn’t understand what he’d done to earn it. Sokka only looked away, his eyes were misty and wistful, and Toph had a small smile on her face.

Zuko cannot believe that this was his life now, and patted the Avatar’s head.

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It was a clear day when Uncle took Aang and Zuko aside to teach them how to redirect lightning.

Of course, this didn’t mean anything because Toph and Sokka followed them anyway. Katara complained at the two of them about minding their own business but even her own curiosity was peaked. After all, it’s not every day you get to see how fire benders learn how to deflect a force so powerful it’s the quickest death you’ll ever know.

“Fire is the element of power,” Uncle began, drawing the three-pronged flame in the dirt. Zuko and Aang leaned down on the symbol, almost transfixed. “The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will and the energy and drive to achieve what they want.”

Zuko can see in the corner of his eye that Sokka almost scoffs but stopped himself before it can even escape his mouth. Katara was watching him like a hawk.

Uncle draws the pentagon shaped earth symbol next. “Earth is the element of substance. The people of the Earth Kingdom are diverse and strong. They are persistent and enduring.”

“Don’t forget headstrong and bad ass, Uncle.” Toph griped on the side. She was smirking proudly, the words settling into her like smooth rocks under the river.

Uncle smiled at her softly. “Never, dear Toph.”

He draws the swirls of the air symbol next. “Air is the element of freedom.” At this, Aang smiles wider. Uncle smiles back. “The Air Nomads detached themselves from worldly concerns and found peace and freedom. Also, they apparently had pretty good senses of humor.”

Aang laughs. “Yes, we definitely do, Uncle!”

Zuko looks like he’s about to die of exasperation.

Uncle takes pity on him and draws the last symbol of the four nations. “Water is the element of change.” At this, both Sokka and Katara leaned forward. “The people of the Water Tribes are capable of adapting to many things. They have a sense of community and love that holds them together through anything.”

Sokka and Katara gave each other a look, and both of their blue eyes were shining with pride when they looked back ahead.

“Water Tribe.” Sokka smugly cajoled in a whisper. Katara giggled.

Zuko looked at them for a moment before turning back to Uncle. “Why are you telling us these things? What does this have to do with lightning?”

Uncle draws a line between the symbols. “It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale.” Uncle completes the symbols together in one circle. “Understanding others, the other elements, and the other nations, will help you become whole.”

Zuko looked puzzled. “All this four elements talk is sounding like Avatar stuff.”

Aang scratched his head. “Yeah, this does sound like what the monks used to teach me after they told me I was the Avatar.”

“It is the combination of the found elements in one person that makes the Avatar so powerful.” Uncle agreed with Aang. He looked at Zuko with almost a stern, military gaze, not unlike a commander to a soldier or a teacher to a student. “But it can make you more powerful, too. Lightning is a pure expression of fire bending without aggression. It is not fueled by rage or emotion the way other fire bending is. Some call lightning the cold-blooded fire. It is precise and deadly, like Azula. To perform the technique requires peace of mind.”

“Peace of mind, huh?” Aang wondered. “I think I can handle that. But you make it sound like lightning is almost dead. Cold and lifeless.”

“In a way, it is, Aang.” Uncle confirmed. “It is fire’s version of a shard of ice. Water can heal and fire provides warmth, but water can also freeze and the cold can kill, just as fire shoots energy so quick and strong, it kills you instantly. There is a balance, an opposite. Come, I will show you how lightning is made.”

Uncle walked further away from the rest of the spectators as Aang and Zuko followed. They kept their distance, knowing this would be an actual demonstration. He stopped at the center of the wide clearing they found just for this exact reason. But they know they can’t stay long. They had to move on right after. This just couldn’t wait. Not with Azula closing in on them.

“There is energy all around us. The energy is both Yin and Yang, positive energy and negative energy.” Uncle instructed, settling into a starting kata. “Only a select few fire benders can separate these energies. This creates an imbalance. The energy wants to restore balance, and in the moment the positive and negative energy come crashing back together, you provide release and guidance, creating lightning.”

Uncle’s fingers circled over his head and they ignited with crackling strings of energy, pliant at first but then gained the untamed tendrils of ever-growing seed lightning. When Uncle released the energy, the entire clearing lit and dimmed as the lightning passed on, energies restoring its natural order once more.

“I’m ready to try it.” Zuko declared, always eager to prove himself.

Uncle shook his head, beginning to walk back closer to the others. “No, Prince Zuko, that is not the point of this training. Learning to create and wield lightning is not what I wish to teach you this day.”

“That was frightening. Fire benders can actually make that.” Sokka mumbled in awe when they returned within hearing range.

“I could feel all of my hair standing on end.” Toph observed. “Like during a thunderstorm.”

“I think that was a thunderstorm, Toph.” Katara said, eyes still lingering at the clear sky.

“Lady Katara, I must warn you,” Uncle said, his hands in his sleeves. “You must never let your water touch a lightning strike. It travels even faster in water or metal and will be deadly when it reaches your heart.” He looked at the others. “Never let it catch any of you in any body of water.”

“If you aren’t teaching us how to make lightning,” Zuko growled, looking irritated. “Then, what _will_ you teach us?”

Uncle grinned at him. “I’m going to teach you something even Azula doesn’t know, because I made it up myself. I’m going to teach you how to redirect lightning.”

“What? How is that even possible?” Zuko asked partly in awe, and partly confused.

“I invented this move when I was studying water benders.” Uncle answered. His smile widened and sent a conspiring look to Katara who looked surprised.

“You used the wisdom of other elements to create a new form of fire bending!” Aang concluded excitedly. “If lightning is made up of energy, then, we can bend the energy back to its maker.”

“Precisely,” Uncle affirmed. He readied himself in a kata again. This time, Aang and Zuko copied him. “The key is to feel the flow.”

They spent the next few hours perfecting the move. Thankfully, Zuko didn’t ask Uncle to throw lightning in his face. Something about the pleased look on Aang’s face at learning something that defended against a vicious attack held his tongue.

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When they reached the harbor, it was Uncle who went to investigate again.

Uncle had proven that he was a capable spy and insisted to go. Zuko couldn’t do anything but reluctantly agree. He and the others were too obvious and young, not to mention notoriously wanted across Fire Nation colonies. They would be spotted a mile away. He wore a badly woven straw hat that Aang and Katara made for him and a long cane Sokka found in the woods. He looked like any nomadic old man, traveling through the harbor for some sightseeing, enjoying his retirement. Uncle merrily made his way through the harbor, while the others hid in the nearby woods of the small village.

Zuko would never admit it but he was exhausted and constantly hungry. He had bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep and he hasn’t regained the weight he’d lost during the time he spent starving in the middle of nowhere, crossing that accursed barren plain. He kept his energy strictly for short ranged patrol and training with Sokka. Both took all he had, and as much as he wants to eat his own fill, their supplies were dangerously low. They couldn’t rely on foraging completely and they barely had any coins left to buy their supplies. It was a problem that was gaining its own momentum. Zuko eating half of a decent meal couldn’t hope to be enough to improve his abysmal body mass.

But one glance was all it took to know that the others have noticed. Embarrassingly so.

Aang began eating more nuts he forages and gave most of his porridge to share between Sokka and Zuko. Katara had begun to add whatever she can find (without Uncle’s foraged herbs, thank Agni) around them. The concoction was more mushrooms and small fruits than it was rice. But Zuko didn’t mind. At this point, he didn’t really care. Food was food. He wasn’t going to starve just because what they had wasn’t tasty enough. It’s one of the things he and Sokka agreed on. They ate the porridge with little shame and thanked the spirits Aang was the kindest kid in the world. Sokka didn’t particularly care about his weight but Zuko has noticed that he made sure Zuko had plenty of rest in between their training. Toph just complained loudly that they should just go back to stealing and gambling for money.

Zuko would bet all of the Fire Nation coffers that Uncle was way ahead of her.

Just as he predicted, Uncle returned with arms laden with food, bags of supplies, and other knick-knacks they truly didn’t have a space for on Appa’s saddle.

All of the children under the Dragon of West’s wings dived for the soft loaves of bread wrapped in warm cloths. The small packs of freshly baked potatoes, cooked meat and rice went next. They all settled around a hastily made camp fire, eager to eat and listen to what Uncle had to say. Zuko was shoving food in his mouth with a forced restraint that no one bought and his good eye was wide with anticipation for Uncle’s reconnaissance report. Zuko would’ve felt ridiculous if he’d been less hungry and tired. But for now, he was rightly acting the hungry teenager he actually was and left the stiff, stately prince for another time.

Uncle waited for all of them to at least partly finish their meal, brewing tea as he did. He had a cup of jasmine tea for each of them when all of them were nearly finished. Uncle sipped on his own cup and smiled.

“I bring great news,” he said, the smile growing larger. He turned to Sokka and Katara. “Sokka, Katara, the rebel ships are led by none other Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe.”

As one, the Water Tribe siblings gasped and nearly wept in joy. They turned to give each other hopeful smiles, beatific and eager. Aang smiled softly at the both of them, while Toph grinned. Even Zuko had cracked a small upturn of his lips.

“It’s dad.” Sokka whispered reverently.

“We’re finally seeing him after all these years!” Katara cried. “Uncle, this is amazing!”

Uncle beamed at her. “When I heard that it was your father’s ships at the bay, I rushed my way here. Not before acquiring these generously given meals, of course. Chief Hakoda would not be happy I’ve allowed his children to go hungry.”

“We understand, Uncle, and thank you for bringing this news to us. It means more than you can imagine.” Katara genuinely said, her blue eyes shining.

“My stomach thanks you a lot, too. I’ve never had meat this good before. It tastes _incredible_!” Sokka practically purred.

“Of course,” Uncle agreed with an air of pride. “Roast duck has always been my favorite.”

Zuko smiled but just as he was about to take another bite to eat, something exploded.

Toph was the first on the move. She grunted and punched both hands to the ground. “Something’s happening to the village!” She yelled with a deep frown.

Katara and Sokka didn’t have time to ask what she meant before Zuko leapt to the tree and started to climb. His fingers clung to the bark and his nails bedded small splinters but he didn’t mind that now.

The village was on fire.

Even from where Zuko stood atop a tall branch of the highest tree he can climb in the dark, it was plain to see that the village was being raided and sacked. The smoke was so thick, it blocked out the moon and the sky became almost an angry red. A light thud landed on the branch beside him.

“What’s happening, Zuko?” Aang asked worriedly. There was an honest fear in his eyes but also a hardness Zuko has never noticed before. Aang had seen too many burning places.

“Azula’s taking the harbor.” Zuko answered darkly.

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The ships were blazing, illuminating the smoke-filled harbor as people screamed and ran for their lives.

Katara and Aang had immediately set to save the burning buildings when they heard shouting coming from within. As water rose like a geyser around the harbor, Toph took point behind both of them, burying anyone who came too close to both of her friends.

“I’ve got this covered!” Toph yelled after hurling three Fire Nation soldiers into the pier. “You guys go cover more ground! You have to evacuate everyone now! I feel another army marching!”

Zuko, Uncle and Sokka didn’t need more convincing after that. They set about directing people to go hide in the woods. They cleared out homes, shops, and merchants off the docks and the village. Some people were terrified that an old man had fire bended at a Fire Nation soldier, but Sokka’s blue clothes and eyes immediately reassured them. Sokka pointedly made sure he covered both of the princes’ back. Even as Zuko wielded his dao blades, he parted fire with them with ease, and it made him look even more terrifying. Some of the Earth Kingdom guards looked at the rogue fire benders with hate.

They rounded the corner and met Aang, Katara and Toph.

“Are you guys okay?” Sokka immediately checked. It sounded like an order.

“We’re fine.” Katara answered. Her hand coming to rest on her brother’s shoulder like reassurance.

“It was child’s play, Snoozles.” Toph interjected with a grin, her fist pounding into her hand. “They had it coming.”

“We just met with one of the sergeants!” Aang informed them. “The Earth Kingdom army has just entered the village and they’re fighting off the Fire Nation!”

“That’s good,” Zuko said, eyes assessing each of them and glancing back to the street. “Which means that’s our cue to get out of here. The villagers are all evacuated. They can take it from here.”

Aang frowned. “But—”

“Aang, we have to retreat. The Fire Nation won’t waste too many of their battalion or navy on a single harbor. They’ll retreat eventually.” Zuko said firmly, his eyes focusing on Aang. “But if Azula finds out we’re here, we’ll put the village in more danger and they’ll attack even harder. This battle will last for days instead of hours and the body count will increase tenfold. We _have_ to _go_.”

Aang’s eyes widened as he nodded. “Okay.”

“Call for Appa while we clear a space for him.” Zuko said, and he ran back to the street, the others following his lead. He can feel Uncle just a few feet away behind him, a protective shadow as he and Sokka fought off more soldiers, while Toph and Katara cleared the debris. Katara’s whip cracked as she attacked and the earth rumbled and churned beneath their feet as Toph fought. Then, Aang joined them with a swoosh of strong wind and all of the soldiers were blown off their feet.

“Well, look who it is.” A voice purred.

They all turned to see Azula standing ways away from their small circle, two other girls behind her. Zuko knew who they were, and so did the others.

“You have got to be kidding me.” Sokka muttered under his breath.

“This just keeps getting better and better.” Toph quipped, her milky white eyes hard and dropped into a stance, ready to attack.

“You just made my job easier. Don’t worry,” Azula haughtily declared, flicking her smooth, perfect hair out of her face. “I’ll make sure to make room for you and your new friends in our prison cells, Zuzu.”

“Let’s get this over with.” Mai muttered behind her.

Ty Lee quickly glanced at her tall friend nervously. She put a wide smile on her face that made her face just the right amount of pretty. “It’s nice to see you again, Zuko!”

There was a hand on Zuko’s shoulder and Uncle stepped forward. “Azula, you are making a mistake.” Uncle warned, subtly shoving Zuko behind him. “We are your family.”

“You _were_ ,” Azula agreed with a vicious smirk. “Now, you’re nothing but traitors!”

Lightning gathered around her and she threw it.

Uncle caught it with frightening precision and threw it back. Then, the battle began.

Uncle and Zuko took on Azula at once, while Mai, Ty Lee and the few soldiers that accompanied them went for the others. The battle was frenetic and wrought with electric power. Azula’s flames were littered with seed lightning and she thrust most of it at Zuko’s face. Between he and Uncle, they were more than a match for Azula and she knew it. But her reinforcements arrived just in time, along with the Earth Kingdom soldiers, drawn by the commotion. Zuko vaguely hears Aang whoop for joy at the sight of Appa landing near the battle, just behind the Earth Kingdom soldiers.

“Avatar, you and your friends need to get out of here! _NOW_!” A captain commanded angrily. His company were immediately in a tight formation, almost like a wall, they were meant to cover the Avatar’s retreat.

“We’re going! We’re going!” Aang retorted just as angry.

“Move it, Twinkletoes! I’ll hold them off!” Toph yelled at him. She let out a mighty roar and slammed both fists on the ground. The earth rose like a wave and it traveled down the street where more Fire Nation soldiers were coming. The Earth Kingdom soldiers blinked in awe, and visibly shuddered. They’ve only ever seen a veteran master do that, and this girl was both blind and clearly younger than the Avatar. Aang took that as his cue to bolt for Appa. He led the bison to the center of the street, and called for the others.

“Come on!” Aang shouted.

Katara had quickly frozen Ty Lee’s feet with one hand and Toph suddenly appeared in front of her from the ground to ward off Mai.

“Katara, take Sokka and _go_!” Toph ordered behind her. She casted the taller girl in clay but not before one of her knives managed to snag Toph’s side. Toph cried out in pain and Katara pulled the other girl back. Aang dropped down from above and covered their retreat, picking up Sokka’s prone form gingerly, taking care not to jostle his wounded arm and his bleeding temple.

“Zuko, let’s go!” Aang called behind him.

Uncle threw a crackling lightning Azula’s way, grabbed his nephew, and ran. With the Fire Nation soldiers neutralized, the Earth Kingdom soldiers held the upper hand. They pushed with their coordinated assault, an unbreakable unit with fire proofed shields, and began breaking the enemy’s attacks. Zuko and Uncle ran for Appa.

“What happened?!” Zuko demanded when he saw them loading Sokka with blood all over him.

“He’s going to be fine.” Katara retorted firmly, her brows in deep concentration up on the saddle. “He’ll lose blood but he’ll be _fine_.”

Zuko didn’t argue with her. He’s seen the kind of miracles Katara could do with her healing. Toph went next and Zuko hoisted Uncle up after her. He was climbing up after him when he heard someone scream behind him.

Zuko turned just in time to see Azula take a blow to her ribs. He watched his little sister fall on her back, armor plates dented from the impact. The few soldiers that surrounded her closed their ranks, ensuring the safety of their princess. But they were being overwhelmed by the earth benders. Mai and Ty Lee were both gone, dragged off by other Fire Nation soldiers by Azula’s orders for Ty Lee’s frostbite feet and Mai’s crushed side. Azula stood unsteadily back on her feet only to be hit by another rock avalanche that threw most of the soldiers off their feet. Zuko watched her try to stand but she fell, her leg bleeding out. The Earth Kingdom soldiers were closing in on the princess. What remained of her guard cannot hold out much longer.

Azula was going to die. _His little sister was going to die_.

Zuko jumped down from Appa just as Aang had managed to get on. For a brief moment, he met Uncle’s wide, frightened eyes up on the saddle. Zuko had the decency to shut his eyes in apology. He punched a fireball at Appa’s feet and the sky bison roared in fear and pain. Appa launched up in the air and Aang tumbled back from the reigns. He heard Uncle scream his name but Zuko didn’t have the time to look at the retreating bison.

He ran and fought his way through his sister’s guards and sheathed his dao blades back in their scabbard. He lifted Azula in his arm while she was too surprised to register what he was doing. He tried carrying her away from the fight but from his peripheral vision, he could see a Fire Nation soldier running towards them, fists blazing. Zuko ducked down, ensuring Azula was out of range and deflected the flames that surged his way with one foot. With a swift kick with the same foot, the soldier was down.

He looked down at Azula, to see if she was hurt from the blast, but he found that she was looking at him with wide eyes and parted lips, shock evident on her face. Zuko had no time to process that as he senses both Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation soldiers coming for them.

Zuko placed her down gently on the ground where he can cover her, unsheathed his swords, and attacked.

The tide turned as the Earth Kingdom soldiers never anticipated one of the Avatar’s companions to turn on them. The retribution was paid equally in kind for the betrayal, their ranks closing even tighter, and pushed even harder. But the job was done. Zuko had managed to carry his little sister back behind the safety of Fire Nation lines. After knocking down the offensive attack, he ordered the Fire Nation soldiers to form their own defensive assault. They never even realized that the prince giving them their orders was the traitor they’ve been hunting for months. They followed his command without question.

“Azula!” Zuko called out, as he ran back to his little sister. He caught her as she tried to stand, shifting her weight so he carried most of it. She still looked dazed but the fierce look in her eyes never dimmed. Zuko almost smiled at the sight of it. But he needed to make sure she was okay. He couldn’t move further if she was in critical danger. He _won’t_. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

Azula turned to look at him. She still looked a little confused, as if Zuko coming to help her had never been something she imagined would happen. She gurgled a laugh, and then cackled. Zuko’s eyes widened at the realization of what it meant.

He didn’t have a chance to move before he felt the searing pain on his chest where she had burned right through the soft material of his clothes. He cried out in pain, dropping to his knees, and Zuko looked up. For a moment, his vision was filled with Azula. Her smirk of victory, the sweat of her brow as pain laced her frame, her weight as they tipped, toppling to the ground. Zuko saw his little sister, and couldn’t help but think when exactly she’d become a monster.

“Take the traitor and _secure_ him!” Azula commanded her soldiers, panting as she covered their retreat.

The last thing Zuko saw before the pain dragged him down to unconsciousness was Azula fending off the Earth Kingdom’s assault on her own.

His little sister was going to die anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to point out that from here on out, it'll be angst, angst, and more hurt and angst. I've always meant to make this into a trilogy. And Litost was the first of them. Hopefully, I can spare more time to complete them. Til next time!


	6. With this love like a hole… swallow my soul…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old faces, new faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, with the world in chaos and the complete and utter mess it left my town, it took a while to get back on track. This could've been better and I might just edit it when I have more time, but I hope you guys still enjoy it. Let me know what you think and I'll get back to you guys as soon as I can.

Zuko was scarcely awake while they sailed home.

He was constantly rocking back and forth between awake and in pain or unconscious from the pain. He didn’t know how badly the skin on his chest was burned, just that it took up most of the skin right above his heart and was left to fester for a few days before someone remembered he was injured and came to dress the wound. Azula had always been precise with her flames and knew how hot her fire had to be to sear and maim but not kill. Zuko was to be brought to his father alive, after all. Why he had to be alive, he wasn’t entirely sure. But Azula never came to gloat, so, he couldn’t ask.

Even if she was here and he could ask, Azula always lied. Her answers meant little to him now.

Zuko didn’t have the energy to attempt escape, not when he’s slathered in burn salve and wrapped in bandages, sailing across the ocean. Drowning wasn’t how he wanted to die. He remembered too clearly the men that floated around the wreckage of the Northern invasion. Death by water to a fire bender sounded more agonizing than burning alive. No child of Agni should ever die cold.

So, Zuko was pliant the entire time he was kept in the brig, waiting for Azula who never deigned to visit his lowly cell. For hours and hours, he would sit and wait. He’d wait for his sister to slap her victory in his face. He’d wait for her to stroll in and lie to all her monstrous heart’s content. He waited, so, he’ll see she was okay.

But Azula never did.

One day, when Zuko had enough with waiting and a guard had come to drop the gruel they called his meals, he asked, “Where’s my sister? Where’s Azula?”

The guard paused before he turned back around and answered, “Princess Azula was captured by the enemy forces.”

“What—” Zuko rasped again but devolved into a coughing fit that flared his entire chest with pain. Before he can ask anything else, the guard was gone and he was left alone with the knowledge that his sister never made it to her own ship.

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Suddenly, he was being dragged from his cell and out into the night.

It was the first time he’s seen the sky in days. Zuko didn’t know how long he was kept in the bowels of the ship but he was coherent enough to know it’s been a couple of weeks. He craned his neck weakly, looking and looking for his sister. But she wasn’t here. She was nowhere in sight. Of course, she wasn’t here. They left her behind with the enemies.

He started to struggle with all he was worth. Someone was hissing insults at him and rough hands shoved him forward. Zuko planted the heels of his feet to the ground, feeling the smooth but rough texture of the port’s cemented design. More hands dragged and pushed him to keep moving, inflaming all of his wounds and spots danced in his eyes. He was heaving by the time they forced him to stop and pushed him on his knees.

“Well, well, well,” a voice purred. Zuko became absolutely still, his eyes widening. He looked up and saw his father walking towards him. Zuko forgot to breathe. He couldn’t move. His father smiled sharply. “If it isn’t my traitorous son.”

Ozai approached like a predator would a prey. He slid his hand through his son’s locks and cupped Zuko’s cheek. It was gentle, something Zuko had never known from him. For a moment—just for a _small_ moment— Zuko wanted to hope. He wanted to hope that it would be different, that it wouldn’t be what he knew this would be. He wanted his father to embrace him, and say he was welcomed home. He wanted to wake up tomorrow in his own bed, and all was right in the world.

But Zuko had grown in the few weeks he decided he didn’t want this.

Zuko knew what family looked like. He’d seen it, been a part of it, sacrificed for it. Everything he’d learned what a family was supposed to look like was nothing like this. Family didn’t actively hunt you down, dogging your every step, nipping at your heels. Fathers did not bring you home in chains or send you away with a half-burned face, throwing you a lifeline with no intention of reeling you back to shore.

Love doesn’t take, and only _take_.

Zuko have seen what love looked like, and sees not a single ounce of it in his father’s eyes.

“How far you’ve fallen, Prince Zuko,” Ozai lamented with a small, satisfied smile. “I’ve given you every chance, every mercy, yet you betray me.”

Zuko wanted to laugh at his face, just to prove he isn’t beaten by this monster he called his father. But that wouldn’t help him here. He swallowed thickly and managed to say, “Azula was captured by the Earth Kingdom forces.”

Ozai raised an eyebrow. He chortled in disgust. “If you think this will save you from what awaits you, you’re more cowardly than I thought.”

“No, I don’t expect anything from you.” Zuko said calmly, the fear running through him carefully kept out of sight. He breathed shakily. “I only wanted you to know. After all, Azula is your heir. She’s your daughter, and my sister.”

Ozai’s mouth downturned. He had expected Zuko to beg. “Your sister’s failures will have their own consequences.” He turned to the guards. “Get him out of my sight. Throw him in the deepest cell you can find where he will no longer disgrace me.”

They dragged Zuko away and Ozai never looked back.

Zuko never looked back either.

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Ozai saw fit to grant him the mercy of having a healer see to Zuko’s wounds.

Zuko was thrown in the deepest cell of the prison tower near the capital. The guards manhandled him towards his cell as he tried to struggle free. But he was too weak to do anything, and he hit the wall hard when they threw him in. The cell was locked shut and Zuko slid down to the ground, with a choked sob. His entire body was in pain and he’d lost too much blood when the wound reopened as he struggled against the guards. He must’ve lost consciousness at sound point because Zuko woke to practical hands tending to his wounds. He tried to stop the prying hands from touching him but more hands came and restrained him.

“This is for your own good. More than a traitor like you deserve!” Someone snapped from above him. Zuko tried to wriggle free from the hands but it was no use. His wounds were bandaged when they left and he lost consciousness again.

Some days, Zuko’s almost convinced that his father still cared. His good days are when he could sit up long enough to glower at the guards coming to give him his meals. His bad days are marked with delirious hope that maybe his father wanted him to heal because he sent a steady stream of healers to heal him. Zuko hated those days. He’d had enough false hopes.

The burn on his chest would just be another scar. Another scar given to him by his own family.

Sometimes, he would think about those days back in Ember Island. The heavy hand settling on his shoulder and the soft wind that blew through the cliffside. He remembered feeling happy. He remembered feeling content. He remembered being loved.

But it was a lifetime ago.

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When Zuko was healed enough, some of the guards came and beat him.

They would kick him to the ground and pound on every inch of flesh they could reach. They would scream profanity in his face and hold fire close to his face just to see him squirm. They would curse him for being a traitor. A shameful stain to the Fire Lord’s greatness. They were careful to keep him alive, to keep him just outside of too much broken bones.

They’d say that after all he was still a prince. He was afforded that _respect_.

Zuko had no way of knowing when the sun rose or fell. But the guards came like clockwork. He figured these men would enjoy a few drinks during their shift change every few days and sneak into the cells in the middle of the night and left before dawn. It was the only way he could tell how many days he’s been in this hellhole.

But one night, it was different.

Zuko knew that the moment the guard came into his cell that there was something different. First, because the guard came alone and his footsteps were carefully quiet, as if he was tiptoeing around Zuko. Second, this one didn’t hurl insults or mock him. He didn’t kick or prod him hard enough to bruise. But instead this guard knelt a few feet away, carrying a tray with a fresh bowl of water and bandages.

Zuko eyed him warily, his back to the wall. He couldn’t see his face. The guard’s helm covered down to his nose. But something about the way the guard offered a damp rag to Zuko made him want to inch further away. The guard sighed and carefully lifted Zuko’s arm and began to clean the cuts. Zuko looked at him with confusion. The others always made his treatment feel agonizing, as if the healing was also part of the torture. But this one was gentle. He was precise and quick. He saved Zuko pain more than he dealt it. When the guard finished wrapping his bandages, he took a small piece of jerky in his pocket and gave it to Zuko.

“Eat it.” The guard whispered so quietly Zuko barely heard it. He did as he was told and chewed the jerky. It tasted divine, something he never thought he’d have again. A canteen of fresh water was offered silently and Zuko lifted the container to his lips, foregoing any dignity, and swallowed every last drop. When he was finished, the guard clipped the canteen back to his belt and carried the tray quietly out the door.

Zuko watched him as he left. The door locked with a soft click.

Zuko had managed to sleep through the night that day.

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It went on for weeks like this.

The guards would come and torture him, and the lone one would come right after with medicine, bandages and smuggled food. Sometimes, he even thought his father encouraged these men to torture his own son. But that wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on. He had more than enough pain in this hellhole.

Zuko had seen the man without his helm more than once. He had olive skin and sad, amber eyes. It was puzzling to Zuko why this man would be so kind to him when the others weren’t.

“Why are you doing this?” Zuko rasped one day. He’d had a brutal night and the pain was a little more than he was used to. He just wanted to know. Zuko didn’t understand why he was an exception, when the others were violent and angry. This one was careful and gentle. This one looked angry when he treated the worst of his wounds.

There was a long pause before the guard spoke, low and almost a whisper. “My brother was with the 41st Division,” the guard explained with a small, bitter smile. “I miss him every day.”

The mention of that division, something he hasn’t heard or thought about in what felt like a lifetime, sent a bolt of ache to his chest. An old wound he’d once been desperate to shut away. The guard smiled bitterly again at the look of incredulous horror on the prince’s face. He gave a meaningful bow to his prince.

“You know.” Zuko said, shutting his eyes.

“Yes,” the guard whispered back. “I do.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, exactly?” The guard sounded genuinely puzzled. “You did what no one else bothered to do. You fought to save your people. You were just a kid and they did _that_ to you. The Fire Lord was your father, but he—”

“Shut up!” Zuko hissed, leaning forward with a manic gleam in his eyes. “That is treasonous. You can’t let anyone hear you talk like that!”

The guard’s dark amber eyes softened, and his smile became much more understanding. “I have nothing else to lose, my prince. I have nothing to fear.”

Zuko growled. “You still have your life. That’s more than enough to lose.”

“Maybe.” The guard conceded. But it was plain to see what he thought his life was worth.

It made Zuko angry to see the blatant disregard of this guard’s own life. He was trapped in a hole that he may never crawl out of, never feel the sun or see the stars ever again, and yet here was someone who still had that, and takes it for granted.

“Get out of here,” Zuko finally ordered. He shut his eyes and faced away from the guard. He felt more than heard the guard sigh and rise. The bolt locking into place was the only signal Zuko needed before tears began rolling down his cheeks. What he wouldn’t give to see the stars one more time.

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They’ve been burning him tonight.

The same guard came back with thick bandages. He had a fresh bowl of burn salve along with the bandages and a huge flask of water in his other hand. He looked furious but Zuko was too submerged in his agony to really notice. He felt more than saw the water slowly being trickled on his burns and the burn salve carefully applied on the burns. Zuko didn’t even flinch. This pain was better than other ones.

Tears streamed down his cheeks out of his control, and he began to wish for all of this to end.

_For his life to end…_

“My brother’s name was Tae Jin.” The guard began to murmur above him, barely audible. “He was your age when he went to war. He was stubborn and practical, and he can never really hit a damn target with a bow but he was steady with a blade. He was smart, too, and I thought if anyone can survive enlisting in this damned war, it would be him.”

Zuko slowly rolled his head to hear the story better.

“It was supposed to be me, you see,” the guard continued, a hint of guilt in his voice. “My grandfather wanted his descendants to continue his legacy and join in the war effort. He only had daughters and they weren’t strong enough to be soldiers. My elder cousins were women, too, and all my other male cousins were too young. But Tae Jin and I were the right age, and my grandfather wasn’t getting any younger. He wanted to see his grandchildren serve our nation. As the elder brother, he wanted me to enlist.”

The guard scoffed. “It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Zuko would’ve scoffed, too, but it seemed like a waste of effort. He was so tired he can barely feel anything. So, he settled to wait for the guard to continue.

“Tae Jin had always been stronger than I am. I was always more of a scholar. Scrolls and brushes were my strongest weapons. I was never cut out for that life.” The guard was applying bandages, rolling the clean sheets of cloth around Zuko’s treated burns. His steady hand and his soft voice were lulling Zuko to sleep. “But Tae Jin was sure he was. So, against my better judgment, he decided to make our grandfather proud. He joined the 41st Division and never came home.”

Zuko mustered his strength to mumble, “I’m sorry.”

The guard shook his head. “It was never your fault, my prince. I’m just glad someone tried to save him, and I’m sorry for what they’ve done to you for trying.”

The guard got up to leave but Zuko wanted to know one last thing. “Wait—please,” he begged, head tilting toward the retreating form. “Your name—what’s your name?”

The guard turned with a small smile of his face. “My name is Ji Hyung, my prince.”

Ji Hyung left and Zuko went to sleep with new names swirling in his head.

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Zuko was the first to speak the next he saw Ji Hyung.

“Why are you here if you aren’t cut out for this life?” he muttered low, face turned away. Ji Hyung was steadily wrapping his ribs. Zuko wasn’t sure why he bothered. Most of them had been broken for weeks now, and will keep breaking in the looming future of his imprisonment.

Ji Hyung had smuggled a stale loaf of bread hidden beneath his armor. He ate the whole thing in two bites, and the water in Ji Hyung’s canteen was replaced with spiced wine. It tasted so good that it gave Zuko more energy than he usually had.

Ji Hyung hummed and answered just as quietly as he worked. “I guess I just wanted to see what Tae Jin saw. A life of a soldier so to speak. It’s as underwhelming as I always thought it was. But it has its uses.”

Zuko gave a tiny nod and started to drift to sleep. He fought his fatigue as hard as he could. There was a warm hand on his shoulder, comforting and steady.

“Rest easy, my prince,” Ji Hyung whispered. “Just a little while longer.”

Zuko wanted to ask what he meant through closing lids but Ji Hyung was already drifting away and he was gone.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tae Jin and Ji Hyung are actually inspired from BTS. One would argue that the Fire Nation is derived from Japanese culture but there are Korean influences here and there. So, while I was thinking on names, Life Goes On MV shooting had just been on and I thought, Taehyung, Jin and Jimin are all good, strong names. So, I took JK for Tae Jin's character and Namjoon for Ji Hyungs. I'll fit Hobi and Yoongi here somewhere. Hahaha. Bear with me. Thanks and hoped you liked this chapter. More to come!


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